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How to Tell If You’re Dating an Ice Princess

All women have the right to a blow-up, mood swing, or bad day every now and then, but if her coldness seems to last longer than a Siberian winter, it may be more of a character trait then was apparent when you met her. Use this guide of 10 ice-cold attributes to diagnose if you’ve stumbled into a relationship with arctic royalty.

 

Michelle Kwan is not an “ice princess.”

World champion figure skater and threat on the ice, maybe, but it would be offensive to call her an “ice princess” (although the media has called her so for the sake of the cutesy pun).

No, an ice princess is not a sport, although many women have made being an ice princess a craft, something they put great time and effort into. Like a well-thought-out magic trick. And with a wave of a wand, men fall under the spell of a woman as cold as ice.

There’s definitely an allure surrounding an ice princess. Men fall for her because she appears to be pretty, quiet, and demure, playing a little hard to get. There’s a mystery about her. However, warm-blooded men should beware. Spin-off terms for ice princess include “heartbreaker,” “drama queen,” and “heinous bitch.”

Here’s how to tell whether you’re dating an ice princess:

1. She never smiles. Even when she’s happy, her face never really adjusts much. And when she does smile, it looks forced, like either something’s really bothering her and she won’t tell you, or she sat in something wet.

2. Her hand shake is like a dead fish. Just like in job interviews, a hand shake is an important gesture that says more about a person than words sometimes. A weak hand shake can often signify a cold person, someone who lacks feeling and personality. If you were put off by her handshake when you met her, you are probably going to be put off by her. Period.

3. She becomes like wallpaper around your friends. Some people call it being “shy,” but there’s a fine line between being “shy” and being “snooty.” An unwillingness to even try to engage your friends in a conversation shows an unwillingness to get to know you better. It also demonstrates a self-involved quality.

4. Nose in the air. There’s a reason why cold people are typically depicted as people with their heads held high. Where do you think the term “she thinks her s**t don’t stink” came from?

5. She has more enemies than friends. If she hangs around you and your friends (and ignores them, naturally), and you rarely get the opportunity to see any of her friends, nor does she mention anyone she’s close to, then she probably doesn’t have any. It’s one thing to keep your friends close but your enemies closer. But if you don’t have anyone at all, this is definitely a red flag.

6. She retreats to her fortress of solitude.
The sad thing about an ice princess is that the reason why she’s cold is because she locks her feelings away, not able to express her innermost emotions to people.

7. Passive aggressive. An ice princess’s favorite game is the guessing game. Here’s how you play. She won’t tell you what she wants, and you have to figure it out. If you do figure it out, you win by getting to play again only with another issue. If you lose, you get the privilege of discussing what she wants until you actually figure it out.

8. She uses sexuality as a carrot. She knows she’s attractive and knows when to use it to her advantage, and then take it away. Think Lucille Bluth from “Arrested Development” who “got off on withholding.”

9. When she does speak up, it’s dramatic. Being late for a movie because of traffic should be a minor hiccup, but an ice princess makes it out to be like World War III has erupted. In fact, every minor setback is a meltdown. You wonder if she’s constantly on the rag.

10. She’s never actually happy, even when she gets her way. She doesn’t see the glass half empty or half full. She just sees a glass.

There’s a reason why so many pop songs have been written about the “ice princess” (“She’s as cold as ice,” “She’s so cold”); it’s because she is the most torturous and confusing breed of female. She has managed to mystify everyone from Roy Rogers to Mick Jagger to Usher. So for those who’ve ever wanted to take a blow torch to her cold, cold heart, at least you’re in good company.

Do you have any experience with an ice princess?

About

Megan McLachlan currently resides in the Pittsburgh area where she freelance writes, drinks coffee, and obsesses over popular culture. She was an English major, but doesn't think she wasted her life. Yet. Her blog is megoblog.com.

 
  • Syed Murtaza

    I read this out loud to my wife. She agreed that the writer may have been thinking of her when the article was drafted.
    Suggestion: Topic for next article: “How to deal with an ice princess?”

  • http://www.primermagazine.com Andrew

    Syed…let me get this straight…you read this to your wife and your wife agreed she was like that?! And you’re still around!? :)

  • Michael

    I have to agree with Andrew. The very fact you can read the article to your wife AND have her agree that it fits her immediately removes her from the ice princess category.

  • Ben

    This article seems pretty pointless and offensive to me….

    The “ice princess” is a tired stereotype and generally used to denigrate women who are not as openly and outwardly “affectionate” and “emotional” as our society expects women should be. It’s a direct descendant of the slur of “frigid” that is used against women who are not sufficiently receptive to men’s advances. Introverted men can still get away with the “strong, silent type” image in some situations but it seems as though introverted women are still stuck with negative connotations.

    Not everyone has to be an outgoing, happy, emotionally effusive social butterfly all the time. In fact, the most outgoing and “happy” people I know (men and women) are generally the ones who are the least interesting, and most shallow, when you actually get to know them.

    • LR

      Women can neither be affectionate, warm, and emotional. Those are masculine traits. Instead, women are aloof, frigid, and unemotional. Men like that.

  • http://www.megoblog.com Megan McLachlan

    Hi Ben,

    Thank you for the feedback! What would have been a more interesting article for you? Just curious. Thanks again!

    • naturalpanther24

      I know the ice princess we are best friends and guess what shes to young to date, in fact these things insult her, if you really know her then tell me her hair color. *-*

  • LR

    Men love aloof women on average because they’re easier to pursue.

  • LR

    Men are expected to be warm-blooded, open, and outgoing.

  • Guest

    Usually, it’s the traditional men who prefer this type of woman, the emotionally unavailable woman, versus liberal men and ice queens do attract conservative men more often.

  • Mary Hudson

    After reading this I have come to the conclusion that I might as well have Ice Queen written on my forehead.

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