Only the oldest generation sits around at an outside reunion: Plan on climbing, chasing, tossing, and pitching with the kids. With all that movement – and in this summers heat – you're going to need clothes that not only look the part, but stretch with you and wick away sweat as fast as you can say, “Not it!”.
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Moisture-wicking polo: Ministry of Supply
4 way stretch shorts: Ministry of Supply
Watch: Timex
Bag: Everlane
Primer reader and contributor Shane Martin shows us how it's done. In fall, it's all about layers, colors and patterns. But to look sharp and put-together in summer, classic, simple, and impeccable fit is what makes you stand out in an ocean of bro-y cargo shorts, baggy t-shirts, and ugly patterned polos.
This Getup is everything but boring. My go-to shorts are gray, not khaki. While British khaki will always be a classic, they've become such a default for the lazy guys we're trying to stand out from. Going for gray, like these from Ministry of Supply, give us the same versatility but with a modern edge.
Your secret mission as Coolest Uncle, should you choose to accept it, is one of deceit, espionage, and triple-crossing.
Fill up 2 of the squirt guns on the sly. Pull one of the kids off to the side and give him one of the squirt guns. Tell him, when you give him the signal, he should sneak up to Kid B very casually and at the last minute, pull the squirt gun and soak her.
However! As an unscrupulous Uncle of mystery, you've also given Kid B, the second squirt gun and told her that you've given Kid A the squirt gun and the mission to squirt her. She's to hide her squirt gun and pretend to know nothing of the plan. When Kid A saunters over, she's to pull her squirt gun and squirt him first.
But this isn't just a double-crossing. Before any of this has happened, you've given a third kid or, preferably an equally nefarious Aunt or Grandparent, two loaded water balloons, brought them in on the plan, and they're to drop hell from above as soon as the firefight begins. You must explain to each person the significance of not letting anyone know about the plan.
If you have a third, possibly younger kid you can incorporate, give him the last squirt gun, and explain he's your personal body guard. If the first two kids try to come after you when they realize they've been deceived, his job is to keep you from getting wet. He'll obviously fail and you'll go down in a hail of water bullets in a dramatic display of death the world hath never seen.
Now, if you just want to keep this thing going forever, and you're at a location with a hose, you can load up one of the less abled relatives with the hose and tell them if the first two kids are able to take you down, they're to unleash the nuclear H20 option with a ratified treaty of familial defense, setting off a chain reaction of Mutually Assured Soaking that can't possibly be stopped until a S'mores Armistice is signed.
Skies the limit, have fun!
Moisture-wicking polo: Ministry of Supply
4 way stretch shorts: Ministry of Supply
Loafers: Brooks Brothers
Sneakers: GBX
Watch: Timex
Bracelet: Amazon
