Go Nuts Over Fresh Balls

Finally, someone addresses the problem of the sweaty sack with innovation and 21st century thinking. Fresh Balls, it's science for your nuts.

There's no delicate way to put this. As men, we have balls and our balls sweat. We're not proud of it, we wish it didn't happen, but that's part of the package. Truthfully, it wouldn't even be such a bad thing if it weren't for girls. Playing some b-ball or working out at the gym, our balls get sweaty and it's not a big deal. At least not until we're in the elevator with a beautiful blonde and there is that unmistakable stank of balls permeating the area.

Or worse yet, perhaps our blazing dance moves have secured us an escort home, the kind of girl you have to snap a photo of to prove she exists to your friends. Problem being, of course, that cutting the rug makes your nuts sweat. And sweaty nuts are gross to girls. There is perhaps no easier way, aside from being unshowered and dirt poor, to get a girl to leave your home than by busting out a sweaty sack.

Enter Fresh Balls, the only solution specifically designed to take the nasty and the sweaty out of “nasty sweaty balls.” Sure, we've had makeshift solutions in the past. Maybe you constantly swabbed your balls with baby wipes or Febreeze'd the hell out of your boxers – stop gap measures, at best.

Maybe, like me, you tried to dabble with talcum powder. Of course, talcum powder isn't really sold anymore, so we settle for the closest thing – baby powder. Splash a heap onto your junk to keep it dry and stink free. Then all you have to do is hope you don't release a poisonous white cloud of ball and ass stank when you rip off your boxers in the heat of the moment. Of course you'd better make sure to toss your jeans on top of your shorts somehow, lest she see that white, powdery residue clinging to your skivvies. You could explain it, but it's better just to avoid it.

Science for your nuts fresh balls and baby powder

Fresh Balls was delivered by an advanced race of beings from the future (or this website). It's a lotion that goes on wet, but drys quickly, leaving behind no residue. There's some good stuff in there to keep your junk soft and supple and none of the apparently bad stuff, like aluminum. I'm not sure why you don't want aluminum on your jank, but if someone tells me not to put something on my area, I take that advice seriously.

To put Fresh Balls to the ultimate test, I applied the substance – which is fun. Another excuse to rub something on my balls is something I'm always interested in. Then I went over to the drum set and banged away for 45 minutes. Hand down the pants and the boys are warm but dry. And for the sake of science, of course I took a sniff – no odor. Just the light fragrance of the Fresh Balls on my balls. Just to be sure, the next day I freshened up my balls and went off to a party – I'm all about testicular research. Several hours later, the boys were comfortably dry with no stank attached. It's safe to say that Fresh Balls is the best testicle exclusive wet to dry lotion you could ever hope to rub on your balls.

Whether your boys leak like a soapy sponge or smell like a sailor's socks, Fresh Balls is the preferred solution to your problem. No more powdery clouds of scented talc and ass particles, no more white smudges or ass imprints left behind. Just the delightful, dry scent of Fresh Balls.

And even though the product is for your balls, don't be afraid to get a little liberal with how you apply it south of the border. After all, your balls aren't the only thing down there that could use some freshening.

On the web at http://freshballs.com/

Robert Fure

Robert Fure is a fitness, lifestyle, and entertainment writer living in Los Angeles. He is also a certified Personal Trainer and the Creator/Editor of Fit and Furious, an online outlet dedicated to the pursuit of a fit lifestyle. His entertainment work can be viewed at Film School Rejects.