Go Nuts Over Fresh Balls

Finally, someone addresses the problem of the sweaty sack with innovation and 21st century thinking. Fresh Balls, it's science for your nuts.

There's no delicate way to put this. As men, we have balls and our balls sweat. We're not proud of it, we wish it didn't happen, but that's part of the package. Truthfully, it wouldn't even be such a bad thing if it weren't for girls. Playing some b-ball or working out at the gym, our balls get sweaty and it's not a big deal. At least not until we're in the elevator with a beautiful blonde and there is that unmistakable stank of balls permeating the area.

Or worse yet, perhaps our blazing dance moves have secured us an escort home, the kind of girl you have to snap a photo of to prove she exists to your friends. Problem being, of course, that cutting the rug makes your nuts sweat. And sweaty nuts are gross to girls. There is perhaps no easier way, aside from being unshowered and dirt poor, to get a girl to leave your home than by busting out a sweaty sack.

Enter Fresh Balls, the only solution specifically designed to take the nasty and the sweaty out of “nasty sweaty balls.” Sure, we've had makeshift solutions in the past. Maybe you constantly swabbed your balls with baby wipes or Febreeze'd the hell out of your boxers – stop gap measures, at best.

Maybe, like me, you tried to dabble with talcum powder. Of course, talcum powder isn't really sold anymore, so we settle for the closest thing – baby powder. Splash a heap onto your junk to keep it dry and stink free. Then all you have to do is hope you don't release a poisonous white cloud of ball and ass stank when you rip off your boxers in the heat of the moment. Of course you'd better make sure to toss your jeans on top of your shorts somehow, lest she see that white, powdery residue clinging to your skivvies. You could explain it, but it's better just to avoid it.

Fresh Balls was delivered by an advanced race of beings from the future (or this website). It's a lotion that goes on wet, but drys quickly, leaving behind no residue. There's some good stuff in there to keep your junk soft and supple and none of the apparently bad stuff, like aluminum. I'm not sure why you don't want aluminum on your jank, but if someone tells me not to put something on my area, I take that advice seriously.

To put Fresh Balls to the ultimate test, I applied the substance – which is fun. Another excuse to rub something on my balls is something I'm always interested in. Then I went over to the drum set and banged away for 45 minutes. Hand down the pants and the boys are warm but dry. And for the sake of science, of course I took a sniff – no odor. Just the light fragrance of the Fresh Balls on my balls. Just to be sure, the next day I freshened up my balls and went off to a party – I'm all about testicular research. Several hours later, the boys were comfortably dry with no stank attached. It's safe to say that Fresh Balls is the best testicle exclusive wet to dry lotion you could ever hope to rub on your balls.

Whether your boys leak like a soapy sponge or smell like a sailor's socks, Fresh Balls is the preferred solution to your problem. No more powdery clouds of scented talc and ass particles, no more white smudges or ass imprints left behind. Just the delightful, dry scent of Fresh Balls.

And even though the product is for your balls, don't be afraid to get a little liberal with how you apply it south of the border. After all, your balls aren't the only thing down there that could use some freshening.

On the web at http://freshballs.com/

Robert Fure is a fitness, lifestyle, and entertainment writer living in Los Angeles. He is also a certified Personal Trainer and the Creator/Editor of Fit and Furious, an online outlet dedicated to the pursuit of a fit lifestyle. His entertainment work can be viewed at Film School Rejects.


  • […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Primer Magazine, Andrea. Andrea said: RT @primermag Go Nuts Over Fresh Balls | Primer http://is.gd/6zJLa […]

  • Reply January 19, 2010


    I want to see products like these get as much airtime via television commercials as shit like Summer’s Eve.
    .-= jack´s last blog ..Google Goggles: The World is Your Hyperlink =-.

  • Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by primermag: New on Primer: Go Nuts Over Fresh Balls http://bit.ly/86cyzj

  • Reply January 28, 2010


    yebbut …

    Until they bring it out in a decent flavour – that beats ou’natural – forget it

    Mmmm sweaty balls – yum

  • Reply June 26, 2010

    Jake Brennon

    Good to know I am going to check that out.

  • Reply July 8, 2010


    Great product!

  • Reply February 24, 2011


    All joking aside, the product works. No differant then female products but for men. I only wish it was available locally and lower priced. I used it, and the boys never felt better! The name could use some work!

  • Reply August 2, 2011


    I love fresh balls, nothing wrong with the name. what do you want to call it cool testicles, dry nuts, scrotosil, or no funk? I say FRESH BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Reply August 31, 2016


      HA HA HA Scrotosil sounds like some animal one would find on the side of the road as roadkill…I vote up for Fresh Balls and I don’t even need the product!

    • Reply March 18, 2017

      Trut Teller

      Summer’s Adam

  • Reply August 28, 2011


    Does anyone find it leaves a white powdery residue? I DO. I’m not completely sold on it. It works it seems….. but the residue is not attractive. I even shook the bottle like it says and still no improvement.

  • […] a specialty product that’s a bit more targeted, consider Fresh Balls (not joking). Avoid using baby powder. There’s talc and other nasty stuff in baby powder that can […]

  • […] are several new products on the market just for this dilemma. Keep the jungle less swampy with Fresh Balls, a cream; or Dry Goods, a […]

  • […] Balls is a cream that goes on without leaving a residue and is a ton less messy than a powder. The stuff actually works, now go tell your girlfriend you want ball cream for […]

  • Reply March 26, 2012


    Probably using to much man

  • Reply August 13, 2012


    sorry i disagree here. i clean myself, and i am not a profuse sweater, so i understand others might not see this the same. but i would not use a product like this. ladies like the scent (not talking swamp balls). clean is good but dont mask your pheromones.

  • […] are several new products on the market just for this dilemma. Keep the jungle less swampy with Fresh Balls, a cream; or Dry Goods, a […]

  • Reply December 17, 2013


    Another great product for keeping men’s nether region clean and fresh is ToppCock Silver. The gel formulation makes it easy to apply and leaves no sticky residue!

  • […] a specialty product that’s a bit more targeted, consider Fresh Balls (not joking). Avoid using baby powder. There’s talc and other nasty stuff in baby powder that can […]

  • Reply March 17, 2017

    Dustin Adams

    Thanks for this! I JUST recently heard of this product and ordered a tube to try. What is the ‘fragrance’ of it? Does it have a lotion smell or a slight men’s cologne fragrance? Or?

    Thank you!

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