Ah, the dreaded gift-giving season. It seems like I always see it coming in the beginning of November and then somehow wake up two weeks into December having not thought about it since. Then I do the standard add-to-cart disappointment knowing my procrastination has limited my arrive-on-time options to this bathrobe.
It's not that I don't love giving gifts…I do. But somewhere between the perfect wine for your boss's housewarming and the ideal present for a niece I'm pretty sure has been 11 years old for 5 years, the fun of gift-giving gets lost under a pile of should's and supposed to's.
We've inflated the act to Kris Kringlean proportions. It's no longer enough to give something from the heart, no, it must be The Best Gift Ever™, especially if it's for a milestone like a wedding or, heaven forbid, a Sweet Sixteen.
The pressure mounts until collectively we give up and it feels like we're not exchanging gifts, but swapping gift cards in similar amounts. “Thank you for the $50 Home Depot gift card. Here is a $50 Lowes gift card.”
But here's the inside scoop: gift-buying doesn't have to be a sweat-inducing race against time. There's a method to the madness, a framework, if you will. Whether you're shopping for a spouse, mom, dad, your second cousin twice removed, or that neighbor who always says hello when you're both grabbing the mail, this six-tiered strategy is your golden ticket to gifting glory.
I promise you, it's better than the panic-purchase of bath bombs you were considering. And who knows, you might just start looking forward to the next birthday on the calendar. (Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.)
1. Things That Show You Know Them
Imagine gifting as less of an exchange of pleasantries and more like a secret handshake, a nod to the private jokes and shared histories that define our relationships.
So for the friend who can recite the entirety of “Back to the Future” backwards, why not something fun they may not buy for themselves as an adult?
Or for the pal who bakes for every get-together, a premium hauling solution to replace the old grocery store bags.
It’s like handing them a piece of their soul in a box…that sounded less creepy in my head.
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- What inside jokes, habits, or quirks define your relationship?
(Example: the friend who always orders the same thing at brunch but insists they’re “mixing it up.”) - What do they talk about without realizing they talk about it often?
(Example: the band they keep saying they’ll see live “next time they tour.”) - What would make them say, “How did you even remember that?”
(Example: the childhood candy they mentioned once and never again.)
2. Things They'd Like to Have But Have Not Justified
We all have that one thing that's been sitting in our online shopping cart for months, the “treat yo' self” whisper we keep shushing. It's the Xbox for the buddy who's an honorary member of your couch come game night but doesn't have the console at home.
Or maybe it's the set of professional paintbrushes for the friend who's still using the freebies from the art store's grand opening. This is your cue to be the enabler of their deferred dreams, in the most positive, life-affirming way, of course.
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- What have they shown an interest in but not allowed themselves to jump in?
(Example: a pickleball racket for the person who wants more social hobbies) - What do they always admire but never actually buy?
(Example: the pasta maker that would allow them to jump into homemade pasta) - What hobby or interest would get an instant boost with a small nudge?
(Example: premium flower arranging tools and gear for the sibling whose apartment always has fresh stems in a vase.)
3. Things They Like But Are Expensive to Replace Regularly
Sometimes the best gifts are the ones that save a trip to the store (or a wince at the credit card statement). Think of a nicer bottle of whiskey for the friend who savors a good sip but considers it a splurge, or the luxe face cream for the one who's been stretching their samples past their intended lifespan.
You're gifting them the nod to luxuriate without the guilt. It's improving the quality of something they use regularly, but can't justify buying the nicer stuff. It's the gift of daily indulgence with a bow on top.
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- What do they savor or stretch out because the nicer version feels out of reach?
(Example: the expensive spice blend they treat like it’s gold dust or the whiskey they only use for special occasion old fashioneds.) - What daily ritual of theirs would feel easier or more enjoyable with an upgrade?
(Example: anything from Aesop.) - What item do they always mention in passing as “a bit of a splurge”?
(Example: a wagyu or USDA Prime ribeye steak.)
4. Things That Connect Them With Who They Are
But then, there's the art of gifting that serves as a bridge to one's heritage and history, a phyiscal link to their identity. Imagine presenting a beautiful painting or framed vintage photograph of Grandma's lake cabin. Or a thoughtfully selected book, like a coffee table piece on the area the family is from, or a historical read about the unit Grandpa served in.
There's also the charm of gifting something that carries the weight of tradition, like a new scarf woven in the ancestral tartan. Or maybe a piece of jewelry that commemorates family past and present. These gifts do what bath bombs never could: They speak without words, saying, “I see you, and I honor where you come from.”
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- What family stories, places, or traditions come up when they describe where they came from?
(Example: the porch swing at their great grandparents' home they reminisce with surprising warmth.) - What object or memory would feel meaningful to see honored in a new way?
(Example: that old family recipe written in fading handwriting.) - What part of their identity deserves a thoughtful nod at this stage in life?
(Example: the neighborhood or city that shaped who they became.)
5. Things That Are Useful, That They Do Not Know Exist
It's the high-tech plant sensor for the friend whose thumb could not be less green, or a smart thermometer that allows Dad to watch the grill while participating with family. You're not just solving a problem they knew they had; you're the wise wizard bestowing upon them a magic they didn't even know was possible.
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- What do they complain about without realizing there’s a fix?
(Example: the constant hunt for their keys.) - What task always sparks frustration or unnecessary effort?
(Example: checking soil moisture with “vibes” instead of data.) - What simple tool or upgrade would quietly make their day easier?
(Example: a premium all-in-one stand that finally charges all their devices in one spot.)
6. Things They Can Use to Improve Their Lot
And finally, there's the gift of potential, the kind that says, “I believe in you and your crazy dreams.” It's the digital marketing course for artists for the too-scared-to-start Etsy seller, or a membership to a makerspace for the DIY enthusiast without room for a toolbench.
Or perhaps you're a photography aficionado and you have a younger relative that's gotten very into shooting but has only been able to acquire the very basics of tools: Lens filters, a Capture One license, or cold shoe accessories can introduce them to the next level.
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- What dream do they revisit even when they pretend they aren’t thinking about it?
(Example: the cookbook they swear they’ll write “one day.”) - What skill, tool, or resource would remove one obstacle for them?
(Example: a dribble trainer.) - What would support their next step without overwhelming them?
(Example: a digital course instead of a full certification program.)
These are the gifts that don't end up on a shelf but propel, push, and inspire. Because what better gift is there than the belief in someone’s uncharted potential?
A Closing Note
Most people don’t need a grand gesture, they need someone who pays attention. Small observations lead to the most memorable gifts. Curiosity does the heavy lifting. And if things spiral, the bathrobe is still there, waiting patiently in your cart.
When in doubt, ask yourself
- What do they love
- What do they do often
- What do they wish they could do more
- What slows them down
- What lights them up
- What would pleasantly surprise them
Save this: The Six-Tier Gift Framework
- Show you know them
- Give what they haven't justified
- Upgrade what they already enjoy
- Honor where they come from
- Offer a problem-solver they don’t know exists
- Support who they want to become
Thinking, “that's all great, man, but I need more specific ideas!” Well, we've got you: Gift ideas for everyone on your list.
