5 Clear-cut Signs You’re Dating the Wrong Girl

Sure, she's smoking hot, but sometimes she gets on your nerves and worst of all, she won't stop whining about how you let the dog sit on the couch. If she's giving you these 5 signs, then it's time to listen to your instincts.

In the 2003 movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Kate Hudson's character Andie strings along Matthew McConaughey's Ben in order to gain experience for an article she's writing based on the movie's title. Andie in turn takes Ben to romantic comedies against his will, gives him a “love fern,” and creates a very rough draft of what their future children would look like through the miracle of Photoshop — all in 10 days time, mind you.

While How to Lose a Guy is exactly the type of movie most men would groan throughout (and some hip-to-it women too!), the movie holds some truth about the female mystique. Women do a lot of things that drive men away, even when sometimes they are just being their high-strung, neurotic selves. The solution is for these women to find the right kind of man who will put up with these little idiosyncracies, and vice versa.

However, sometimes the things women do that bother men are signs that the relationship is doomed. Fear of change and ignorance often prevent men from speaking up for themselves, from raising their hand and saying, “Enough already.” Men and women alike will turn their heads at things their significant others do in order to pretend everything's fine, when really they are settling for something they may not want in the long run (like an unreliable car that won't get you to California when you have dreams of the West Coast). There are red flags a man shouldn't ignore when thinking about whether both he or she is in it for the long haul.

1. She treats your pet(s) poorly.

She doesn't have to be a dog or cat lover, but she should at least respect them as friends to you, just as she should respect your human friends. As “Man's Best Friend,” your pet or dog was probably there for you long before the girlfriend entered the picture. If she has problems with your dog, she probably has problems with your friends as well. At some point, the discussion will come up: “Me or the dog?” The fact that she even will bring this point up is enough of a red flag to choose the dog because the next question she'll ask you will inevitably be, “Me or your friends?”

If you do choose the girl over the dog, consider yourself officially neutered. Another good thing to remember is the way a woman cares for a pet or dog often simulates how she might treat your prospective children.

2. Sometimes, you just really hate her.

Sometimes all it takes is one little straw in a tornado to break through a brick. Suddenly, the little things she's said and done all along bother you to the point where you can't believe you are actually with this person. It could be a casual dinner outing where she talks down to your waiter as if he were invisible. Perhaps she treats people in the service industry so poorly that you get embarrassed any time you are out with her. If little things like this bother you, there could be more to these feelings of misgiving than simple irritation.

Maybe her beliefs and morals are just completely different than yours. While opposites attract, sometimes it's backbone convictions and differences in being brought up that affect whether two people can make it work.

3. She doesn't respect the rules of “Guys' Night.”

You're never allowed to do anything without a phone call from her or without you “checking in.” If she won't let you hang out with your friends, then she obviously doesn't trust you or respect your independence. You might be a part of a “couple,” but you are still a person, an individual who can do what he likes to do. If it's cheating on said girlfriend, then that is on your shoulders.

However, anything other than cheating or criminal activity should be respected.

4. You still hold a torch for someone else.

If you enjoy your time with her, but still wish she was someone else (someone you used to be in love with), then you are definitely dating the wrong girl. And you shouldn't wait another minute before letting this girl down gently and moving on. The worst thing you can do is lead this person on to the point where she thinks of your relationship as “serious” while you think of it as a holdover until the next one comes along (or the right one comes back). Listen to Patsy Cline's “Why Can't He Be You?” for further consultation on the subject.

5. She doesn't abide by the rules in the following “car” scenario.

One simple trick will tell you whether she's “the one” or not. All it takes is a car, two people, and one locked door. While automatic locks and car alarms might vary results of this test, it's still a good litmus for a person's worth. First, the man should open the passenger door for the woman, unlocking the door and helping her into the seat. Then, he should head over to his driver's side door, fumbling with his keys to open his door. The man should struggle for a few seconds, whether it's dropping his keys or losing track of which key unlocks the door (again, this test would work better on an older vehicle). If the woman unlocks the door for the man from the passenger side, she's a keeper. If she sits there and plays with her cell phone, throw this one back.

At the end of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, it only takes a bad karaoke rendition of “You're So Vain” and one cliched motorcycle chase to the airport for Andie and Ben to realize that they are meant for one another (after 10 days, nonethless).

Unfortunately, real life doesn't always have endings like this, wrapped with a cute little bow and a Sixpence None the Richer soundtrack. In the sequel that never made it to theaters, Andie realizes she can't stand Ben's southern drawl and naked late-night bongo-playing, while Ben realizes Andie has a habit of making really bad romantic comedies.

Don't ignore the signs, and instead listen to your gut instinct. If you are not completely feeling the relationship and would rather be alone than with the person you're dating, then your instinct is probably right. You, above anyone else, knows what you need and desire. No one else can tell you exactly how you're feeling or what you're thinking. Once you are confident and strong enough to realize this, then you are one step closer to meeting someone who does understand you and can make you happy.

Megan McLachlan currently resides in the Pittsburgh area where she freelance writes, drinks coffee, and obsesses over popular culture. She was an English major, but doesn't think she wasted her life. Yet. Her blog is megoblog.com.

  • Dan

    I really like the car scenario!

  • http://justinbrown.info Justin

    The car scenario, made famous by A Bronx Tale.

  • http://midnight.hushedcasket.com Jeff

    It seems that most men have very few years between the time they receive calls from their parents at night to check up on them and when they receive calls from their wives at night to check up on them.

  • Pingback: Why Being Laid Off Might Be the Best Opportunity Life Ever Gave You | Primer()

  • http://virilitas.com/blog Virilitas

    Thank you for the pointers. One sign that I use to decide to break up with a woman is if she lies to her friends. If she lies to others for her own gain, then she will probably do the same to her man.

  • muzikjock

    Another clear way to know is this:
    If you find it easier to get online and surf the internet or talk to someone in chat just to avoid another argument or confrontation about something, anything, you might be in the wrong relationship. I was in a relationship like this. Cared for her deeply, but I would rather be on my computer, and felt more at peace than go into the same room with her, and have conversation. That was truly a way to spark a confrontational experience as anything that came out of my mouth was taken as fighting words. And I’m not a fighting person. I like peace. We couldn’t have a conversation without misunderstanding one another. Finally I had had enough, and told her that it was the end. I gave her time to find her own place, helped her move and that was the end. She had to go. Everything else was great in the relationship. We just fought an awful lot. …about everything. And it was mostly because our language and personalities opposed one another. So be careful out there, for it is possible to link up with someone that you have common goals in life, but still be wrong for each other. We both wanted the same things in life, but for us, we couldn’t make it happen. For a long time I chose to be alone. Didn’t want to date. and didn’t. Till I found my true love . and in the most unusual way. We have been talking together for over a year now without missing a day. We love each other and respect each other. And I can never wait to talk to her again. Its always fresh and new. I finally found someone that respects me in conversation, and someone that I can love and respect back. What a contrasted difference. Good luck to all of you.

  • Karen

    The car example is pretty stupid in this day and age when the vast majority of people’s doors unlock automatically with the press of a button. If you try to use this as some sort of “test” you’d be relying on a very imperfect one. Maybe she’s distracted by a noise outside? Maybe she’s looking back to her place to make sure she turned the light off.

    • Andy

      I agree. Don’t play games with someone you love. Its a stupid idea. Maybe your girl is a bit absent minded or has a little ADHD. Is that really a reason to dump her? There are easier ways to tell if someone is too self absorbed to make a good partner. Does she ask you about your day or just talk about hers? Does she pay attention to the things you like or don’t like? Does she let you be yourself or is she trying to change you into whatever her idea of an ideal boyfriend is? Relationships aren’t black and white. Its natural to be a little unsure, but if you are feeling strong reservations or thinking about it alot..you probably already know the answer.

  • tudza


    Ah the joys of classic cars. You know, the ones without electronic locks.

    This is an imperfect test, but multiple repeats might improve it. There must be some things you expect other people to do for you automatically, like “Hey, want anything from the kitchen while I’m there?” that sort of thing. How many fails will you tolerate?

  • http://www.attractababe.com Attract Women

    Thanks I like your website alot, keep up the good work.

  • http://www.kellyjelley.com Kelly

    How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days was a good movie. What would make it a great movie is if it didn’t have the typical hollywood ending.

    I did have a guy pull the Bronx Tale car door thing in the winter on me and didn’t open his door on purpose…

    We ended up dating nearly 2 years 😛
    .-= Kelly ´s last blog ..Ew I Need To Clean My Mirror =-.

  • http://www.relationshipcheating.co.uk/ Austin Millo

    Well I wonder if there’s anything like a perfect relationship. Two people coming from different background to live as one is not usually an easy mixture…if the chemistry is toxic there can be an explosion. The only reason why marriages work is because of something called ‘tolerance’. Whenever this component is missing in a relationship cracks may begin to form…and if care is not taken, things may fall apart.
    .-= Austin Millo´s last blog ..How To Get Back Your Ex – Tips & Advice =-.

  • John Thomas

    The Car Door Test is key (sorry). It isn’t a one-time test, though, as Karen said, she might be distracted, so you should administer it every time you drive somewhere with her. Too many instances of “distraction” and it’s an excuse for a self-centeredness that will only cause problems later. In my own case, I dated the girl for 6 years in the early 90’s and she kept forgetting the car didn’t have electronic locks!

  • Jeremy

    Even better than unlocking the door is when a chick leans over and opens your door for you. I had one chick do that for me, which put her up a notch from the get-go.

  • http://www.gregorygarver.com NNN Brokers USA Gregory Garver

    “If she sits there and plays with her cell phone,” that’s strike one ( give her another chance or even two ) if she sits there and starts to play with herself, automatic three strike rule…

  • Andy

    You and I have very different preconceived responses to that scenario…

  • Floyd

    When I read the cheesy line ‘and some hip-to-it women too!’ I knew this article was written by a female. I almost threw up into my waste paper basket at the audacity of yet another woman intruding on male spaces, and then dishing out self deceiving hypocritical advice on whether to leave relationships with her gender or not, based on all the fairy tale romantic comedies she’s watched.

    ‘ One simple trick will tell you whether she’s “the one” or not. All it takes is a car, two people, and one locked door.’ This ones from Hitch isn’t it? ‘ It could be a casual dinner outing where she talks down to your waiter as if he were invisible.’ Or it could be your girlfriend sets herself up as spokeswoman, sorry spokesperson for the male gender on whether to stay in a relationship or not.

    Here in lies both the problem and the solution: Stop taking advice from chicks about how to be or not to be in romantic relationships with them, and grow a pair if you’re not happy!

    ‘ You, above anyone else, knows what you need and desire. ‘ and ‘ No one else can tell you exactly how you’re feeling or what you’re thinking. ‘ Indeed Megan.

  • Smart

    The car door test is good . From the movie ‘Bronx Tale’. I will try it .