At some point, everyone has had that heart-sinking moment of realization: “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
Some of us have this moment more often than others (like Gob from “Arrested Development”), but however and whenever it happens, it’s a moment of panic, a feeling that illuminates your brief window of opportunity being gone.
In relationships, we often make compromises, telling ourselves that things can be different when sometimes they clearly can’t. Usually, these compromises result in Gob Bluth’s catchphrase.
Here are 10 things you should never think again:
1. I should have dumped you sooner.
There’s a sense of tragedy in this sentence, with the implication that 1.) something has gone wrong and 2.) the person has been leading someone on despite the desire to end the relationship. So many times people stay in relationships out of convenience or fear, when really they are only prolonging their inner and outer misery.
2. Maybe we should have dated a little longer before getting married.
When you enter into marriage, the first year can be a period of learning new things about someone else (especially if you didn’t live together before marriage), but it should never be a year spent questioning the commitment. If you’re wishing you were dating again, you may want to question whether THAT’s even what you really want.
3. My married friends are happy … maybe we’ll be, too?
Marriage isn’t a relationship fixer; it actually intensifies situations. Issues that are apparent during courtship are only going to rear their ugly heads during marriage–and sometimes with a vengeance.
4. When I’m with you, I still feel alone.
There’s something to be said about sitting across from someone and still long for companionship. If you still feel alone when you’re with a significant other, maybe you’re just with the wrong companion.
5. Hanging out with you feels like work.
Some relationships just feel like another job. You show up, punch the clock, and can’t wait until you can go home. No one wants to work a job 24 hours a day.
6. Maybe they’ll change?
The number one thing your mother will tell you when it comes to relationships is that you can’t change someone. And you shouldn’t enter into a relationship with the hope that someone will eventually come around and become who you want them to be.
7. Maybe having kids would fix this?
Like marriage, kids aren’t relationship fixers, either. And when you decide to have kids, you’re no longer inviting two people into your problems, but three (or more).
8. I will make you love me.
You just can’t force something. For those who hang around someone in the hopes that he or she will eventually come around and love them back, at some point you’re just wasting your time. And does someone who doesn’t reciprocate really deserve all that attention?
9. They’re nice enough, and I’m getting older…
Some people set a magic “age” number for themselves, where if they aren’t married at that age, they need to settle down and GET married soon, committing to someone only because they feel like they have to. Do you really want to marry a person you only “like” for the rest of your life? Don’t settle for someone you equivocate with a FB status.
10. Sometimes, I just don’t like them.
This one seems kind of obvious, but plenty of people marry people they just don’t like. Sure, people have flaws; everyone has their bad days, and often significant others’ roles are to recognize and call each other out on things. However, you don’t want to be with someone you don’t even really like as a person.
Many of these phrases could go on a tombstone of famous last words. Often, thinking these thoughts is the downfall for many people in relationships. But if you can at least recognize your limit and realize how these thoughts are a call for change, you can save yourself from future misery and even worse thoughts (“I shouldn’t be doing 8 to 10 in San Quentin”).