Free Art Download: Ernest Hemingway with Shotgun

hemingway print with shotgun
Free Art Download: Ernest Hemingway with Shotgun
Some guys put movie posters on their walls. Others have a picture of Hemingway holding a shotgun.

Guys don't fill their apartments with schmancy art because of one reason. It's expensive. We want to have a nice home, but not at the crazy price that it costs to buy a print of something we like, then having it matted and framed. It's just not realistic at this point in our lives.

Most end the thought there. Can't afford it. Can't do it. But that's lazy – A little creativity goes a looooong way when it comes to making your home your own on a budget.

I recently stumbled across a company selling cool, old black and white prints of manly things, but the prices were outrageous. One of them was a framed print of Ernest Hemingway holding a shotgun. I thought, “that picture must be on the internet,” and a Google search for “Ernest Hemingway shotgun” with the size filter on ‘large' provided just what I was looking for.

It turns out that this photo that was being sold for a crazy price, is actually in the public domain, and stored in the National Archives. I downloaded it off of Wikipedia, adjusted the size and levels, and had it printed for…40 cents. I've included a download link below, and you can follow my steps in creating a framed and matted print for less than $6.

If you've ever framed something, you know how crazy the prices can be for not only the frame, but the matte – the thick white cardboard with a square cut out in the middle. To get past the cost of the matte, I've built it into the downloadable image. The image of Hemingway is surrounded by a 1.5 inch white border.

The frame is a black frame from Wal-Mart that sells for only $5. They've had them for years, and I just saw them last weekend, so if you have a hard time finding them when you're there, keep looking (or ask) because they're there. The image is created to fit in a 11'x14′ frame, as pictured above.

To download, click on the link below, then click on “File” and “Download”.

Step 1: Print It

I had it printed at Staples because they allow you to do it all online, and they'll e-mail you when it's ready to pick up. You can print it anywhere if you have large enough paper.

Go to the Staples Copy and Print Center site and choose “Copy and Print Services.” From the options listed, choose ‘Black and White'. When the applet opens, upload the picture by clicking on the Add Files link.

Once finished, click on “Media” and choose “67lb Card White 11×17 – Ledger (Cover/Resume)”. Since 11×14 (the size of our image) is a standard frame size, but not a standard print/paper size, we have to print it on 11×17 paper. The downloadable image includes cut lines on the top and bottom so that it fits in the frame. Continue to checkout and be amazed that it's only 40 cents.

Step 2: Frame It

Go find the $5 frame at Wal-Mart, or if you don't have access to one, any 11×14 frame will do. Trim the print on the top and bottom lines, and insert into the frame. I used steel wool on the wood to add a distressed quality to it. Pour yourself a scotch and marvel at your cool, cheap, art.

Andrew is the founder and editor of Primer. He's a graduate of American University and currently lives in Los Angeles. Read more about Primer on our About page. On Instagram: @andrewsnavely and @primermagazine.


  • Reply January 10, 2013


    Awesome idea. I used yours as a template for a Townes Van Zandt photo. 

  • Reply January 11, 2013


    Getting this when I click on it:

    Google Docs

    This error has been reported to Google and we’ll
    look into it as soon as possible.Please try one of these interim

    Reload this page.

    Download the document by right-clicking on it in the main document list and
    selecting “Export.”To discuss this or other issues, visit the Google
    Docs Help Forum. To see the list of known problems, check the Google Docs Known Issues page.

    • Reply January 11, 2013


      Hey Jbird, give it a try now, it’s working on my end. If you’re still having the issue, try logging out of your gmail account.

      • Reply January 15, 2013

        Logan Greer

        I’m receiving this error notification as well.  Logged out of Gmail, still not working.

        • Reply January 15, 2013


          I got the error too. I just x’ed out of the error pop-up and was able to download it with no issue.

  • Reply January 11, 2013


    Very cool.  Also, very morbid if you think about it – Hemingway blew his brains out with a shotgun.  

    • Reply March 20, 2013


      This was the “Before” picture. The “After” picture wasn’t family-friendly.

  • Reply January 11, 2013


    Anyone have a good resource for finding more free images like this? 

  • Reply January 11, 2013


    I also saw this exact same photo in my inbox for $200+ and thought the same thing. You took it to the next step by finding the image. Thanks Andrew!

  • Reply January 11, 2013


    This is great, this should be a weekly thing

  • Reply January 12, 2013


    I’m not very versed in photography or photo editing. How does one “adjust the size and levels” to make sure it is a high quality pic that will print out and look nice? Can I just find a high res picture on the internet and have that printed out? And how does one build in the matte?

  • Reply January 13, 2013

    Adam Barnathan

     Awesome idea. In the process of doing this now. Can you give a quick tutorial on how you actually edited and adjusted the picture? Thanks

    • Reply January 14, 2013


      Hey Adam & TJ,

      Here’s what I did.

      1. Create a new image that is 11″x14″. Use the editing programs rulers to create 1.5″ margins.

      2. Select the inside square created at the intersection of the 4 margins.  This selection represents the ‘hole’ of the matte. To create the matte, we need to select the opposite of what we currently have selected. In Photoshop, go to Select > Inverse. The 1.5″ matte area is now selected. Create a new layer, and fill the selection with white. The matte is now created.

      3. Find the image you want to use. Search Google for your image, making sure it’s very large. If you try to blow up a picture and print it, it will look pixely and soft. 

      4. Open the image in Photoshop, and drag the image to our other image with the matte. Place the layer with the image below the matte layer. 

      5. Adjust the size and framing of the picture below the matte until it’s the composition you want. 

      6. Adjust the levels. “Levels” is the adjustment of black, gray, and white. If you drag the sliders closer together, it makes more gray things black on the low end, and more gray things white on the high end. At the very extreme, placing the levels sliders in the middle would create a stark black and white image.  Adjust them until the image has a nice deep contrast between black and white. This is important since we’re having it printed economically. These prints tend to be very gray and dull anyway. 

      7. Make any other adjustments you’d like.

      8. Print it.

      9. ???

      10. Profit.

      • Reply January 15, 2013


        Is there any other program that I could use to do this besides photoshop? Anything that you know that is free? I’d really like to do this with a pic of Frank Sinatra.

        • Reply January 15, 2013


          You can try Gimp, it’s similar to Photoshop and free.

          • January 15, 2013


             Thanks! I will try it and see how it works out.

          • January 18, 2013


            FotoFlexer is great as well. You can add boarders and change images on their website without having to log in or even downloading a program. Plus it’s very easy to use.

  • Reply January 15, 2013


    To illustrate this point, Huckberry is selling this photo as a sonic edition for $260.

  • Reply January 15, 2013

    Bryan LaFonte

    Great post! I’m heading to Staples to pick up my print tonight after work. I’ll let you know how it turns out

  • Reply January 20, 2013


    What brand is the frame?

    • Reply January 20, 2013


      It’s a $5 Wal-mart frame.

      • Reply January 20, 2013


         I understand that but do you remember specifically what brand it is at Walmart? I didn’t see it at the one I went to today, I may have to check some of the other ones in town.

        • Reply January 20, 2013


          Oh sorry! No, unfortunately I don’t. They’re usually on a mid aisle stand, maybe near electronics or near home goods.

          • January 21, 2013


            Found one. Thanks!

            Ignore the wall color, temporary living situation. Also, I didn’t copy you with the bulleit bottle. I really did already have one there.

          • March 20, 2013


            Looks awesome!!

  • Reply January 25, 2013


    Awesome. This should be a recurring type of post!

  • […] my place. Sometimes you can create an awesome decoration that’s cheap all around, like our free Hemingway print. But usually it’s one or the other – either the art in the frame is the expensive part, or […]

  • Reply February 5, 2013


    I like that wine bottle wrapped in twine.  How did you adhere it to the bottle, glue gun?

    • Reply March 20, 2013


      Sorry for the late reply. Yep, just twine, hot glue the end when starting, wrap it, and secure the other end.

  • Reply February 6, 2013

    Patrick H.

    I tried sending this to Staples to print and they said they couldn’t do it because it was a copyrighted image. Weird

    • Reply February 7, 2013


      That’s weird because a) I’m impressed they know what it is and b) it’s in the public domain

  • […] time? This is easier to accomplish than you might think, and cheaper too. Remember the article on cheap manly art?  We’ll be using the same concepts here.What you’ll need1- small jar of Mod Podge (matte […]

  • Reply March 7, 2013


    This is kind of sad, because Ernest killed himself with a shotgun.

  • […] the instructions on the Heminway post to have it printed for a dollar and set in a $5 frame. Be sure to choose color instead of black and […]

  • Reply April 2, 2013


    Just created mine! I found a nice $7 wooden frame at TJ Maxx (org. price $25.00) and used my company’s color printer and card stock when no one was looking haha

  • […] To download, click on the link above in the desired size, then click on “File” and “Download”.Follow the instructions on the Heminway post. […]

  • Reply August 23, 2013

    Pedro VanPeter

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    37 Consecutive Years!

    …..That Babe Can Bake Me A Pie Anytime She Wants Too.

    For You Guys, Listen Up Here!
    You’re Ladies On In Extra High Heat Mode “Easily”, Just By Seducing Her
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    Her And Her Famous Husband Kutchie Have Been Baking The For Last
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    ..And Her Key Lime Pies!

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    In Other Words… “Keep The Faith Baby”.


    what they are all saying true about how eating those World Famous Key
    Lime Pies Baked In The Carolina Mountains By The Former Miss Florida USA
    And High Fashion And Swimsuit Model …”Mrs. Anita Pelaez”, ….Surely
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    You Don’t Ask Me!..Anyway, You Can Count Me In On That,… That’s For Damn
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    You Know What?….That Time Is Now At…..”Anita and Kutchie Pelaez’s” Key
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    …Count Us In Darling, Sweetheart, Please Wrap-Us Up A Dozen Pies

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    You Need To Start Eating A Lot More Of Anita And Kutchie Pelaez’s Key
    Lime Pies! They Work Every Darn Time!

    …One Eyed Willie…Smooth Willie…Be Good Willie!…Elwood Blues…Darling,..Don’t Go Breaking My Heart!

    Honey, What’s the number to the Key Lime Pie Factory?…We’re Out Again!

    World Famous Captain Kutchie Pelaez Of Key West. “Kutcharitaville”.
    Fame Was Recently Spotted Down In Old Town Key West At Sloppy Joe’s Bar
    Partying With His Old Compadres,…Captain Yankee Jack Of The Bull
    Fame,…Micheal McCloud Of Schooner’s Wharf Fame…Captain Tony
    Tarracino Of His Own Saloon Fame,…Jimmy Buffett Of Margarativille
    Fame,…Captain Teri Levi Of Lum’s Fame,…Missing Was The Late Great
    Mel Fisher….Also Missing Was The Late Great Treasure Hunter Captain
    Roger Burleson And The Late Great Roger “Moon Dog” Turner.,..The Famous
    Group Of Compadres Were Said To Be Drinking Doubles And Causing Just
    Lots Of Some Mild-Kind Of Troubles, But Nothing The Waitresses Couldn’t
    Handle. It Seems That All Of The Team Mates Were Wearing…”Captain
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  • Reply November 22, 2013


    Picking up this, along with the bulletproof, and the RAF haircut. My wall is about to be much more manly.

  • Reply May 29, 2014

    Jake Carson

    I sure hope that this will be a great opportunity for everyone to

    see some of “Don’s Scenes” from his productions of his classic hits

    “Tales From Kutcharitaville”. You know that Rickles and Johnny Carson

    together produced those comedy hits about their friend “Mr. Kutchie

    Pelaez” and their wild and crazy exploits of Kutchie’s Key West and The

    World of Key Lime Pies from the perspective of (Johnny Carson, Don

    Rickles, Kutchie Pelaez and Steve Martins Eyes!) What a Hoot Those

    Classic Hits Surely Were. Don’t miss them, be sure to tune-in next

    month. We Laughed Until We Cried Watching Those Funny Movies. “The Tales

    From Kutcharitaville”, I Think That They May Still Be Available In A

    Boxed Set. Maybe Try Amazon. Good Luck.

    You Know, It’s No Wonder That Everyone Calls “Captain Kutchie

    Pelaez”..The Most Interesting Man In The World! Did You Know That

    Kutchie Drinks Those Wonderful Mixed Drinks Named In His Honor Called

    “Kutcharitas”.?. There A Hell Of A Lot Better Than Any Mexican Beers.

    And Much Stronger To Boot!

    ….That Sunken Ship In The News These Days,

    ….It’s Been Resting Down On The Bottom Of The Sea Since Way Back In

    1867, “Mel Fisher” Even Overlooked This One! “Yankee Jack and Micheal

    McCloud Now Have Reason To Write Another Song.

    ….Hell We Can’t Find A Boeing 777 That’s Been Lost Only A Little Over

    A Month! Could It Be Because The Jet Had No Silver and Gold Aboard,

    Just People?….Go Figure……

    ….Good Thing That All The ….(“Anita And Kutchie Pelaez’s Key West Key

    Lime Pie Shops”)..Are All Showing Increasing Pie Sales Throughout All

    They’re Areas Of Distribution. Consumers Just Never Seem To Reach

    They’re Fill Of Those “Yummy Key Lime Pies” That The “Peleaz’s Working

    Partner Team” Continues To Produce. They Have Been Called “Love At First

    Bite”. Everyone Agrees, That The Loving Couple Have Been Baking They’re

    Culinary Delectables Over 40-Years Now!….Isn’t She

    Wonderful?….”AAAHHHH”, The Magic Of The Gorgeous “Mrs. Anita Pelaez”

    Well She Is Something Else!….

    ….Who The Hell Does That “Kutchie Pelaez” Think That He Is?….”Frankie Valli” Or Someone Like That?

    ….It’s No Wonder That People Are All Calling Him “The Most Interesting Man In The World”,…Big Girls Don’t Cry…Do They?….

    ….Don’t Cha Just Love Em!?….We Sure Do!….

  • […] the instructions on the Hemingway download post to have it printed for a dollar and set in a $5 frame from Wal-Mart. The file is sized to be […]

  • […] Free Art Downloads are easy and cheap to print. The white border is built in to simulate a matte, all you have to do is click the ‘Download’ button, then choose “File > Download” when the Google Drive window opens. Then, either print it yourself, or print it at a place like Staples or Costco for less than a buck. It’s sized to fit an 11×14 frame, so it will need to be printed on 11×17 paper and trimmed along the included lines. The frame in the photo above is a $5 frame from the Wal-Mart photo department. For more detailed instructions, check out this article. […]

  • Reply December 14, 2014

    Ron Macoon

    I apologize in advance if this is a silly question, but what exactly are the rules when it comes to getting prints made by Staples and the like of stuff you find on the internet? I know you’re good at finding sites (like that big map site) that encourage downloads and prints, but at what point might I run into a wall just going wild on a google image search??

    • Reply December 14, 2014


      Most won’t care. Not sure if it’s even breaking any rules if you’re doing it for personal use.

    • Reply December 15, 2014


      I’ve actually run into this issue at staples once before, in trying to print the large map project that Andrew posted up sometime last year (I believe).

      I found a large format map of Boston, assuming it was an open-source file, but I got a call from Staples a few days later asking me to resubmit a new file, as the one I had submitted was copyrighted. I ended up forgetting about it and wound up just having a company that sells large format posters send me a different but similar one for about $30. The snafu is that Staples never refunded the money (I can only assume they’re still tearfully waiting by the phone, hoping for me to call and not just gleefully pocketing my money…), so I guess they made a free ~10 bucks off me.

      To answer your question though: you MAY run into an issue with copyrighting, but they will let you know if there’s an issue and as long you follow up, you’ll be able to get SOMETHING printed, even if it’s not your first choice. Also engineering/CAD format printers would work if you access to that sort of thing.

      • Reply December 15, 2014

        Ron Macoon

        Thanks Dan! yeah I definitely shouldve made more friends in the architecture department while in school, if nothing else for the giant printer access

  • Reply January 15, 2015

    Heather Green

    Being a photographer, I’ve always printed things for myself or clients at Millerspro…I’ve heard about printing at Staples and never tried it. Ran across your free print blog posts (via pinterest) and figured I’d give it a try, especially since you went through the details of how to order one. I thought, for the price it was worth testing it out and I’ve been wanting to do a black and white wall art collage. I ordered several of your prints and just got them last night. I didn’t read the comments on this blog post till just now so was surprised to find that some had issues with Staples mentioning copyright. I didn’t have any problems, but it’s nice to see that Staples is at least trying to ‘do the right thing’. I printed out the Hemmingway, the RAF pilot haircut (because I wanted to see how color would do), Cape Canaveral, the camera patent, the Thomas Edison quote, and the ship of war. They all printed beautifully, the paper used is amazing, I was very impressed and can now see why Staples printing is so popular. I’ll attach an iphone pic of the prints, ignore the white balance in this image, all of the paper the prints are on is white, not yellowish…the only space large enough to hold them all for a photo was my kitchen table and the lighting is wonky in there. Oh and THANK YOU! 😀

    • Reply January 15, 2015


      Awesome! So glad it worked out for you. Thanks for sharing the photo!!

  • […] Check out the tutorial on this blog post (scroll a bit) to see how to print at for super cheap: HERE […]

  • Reply February 13, 2015

    Jennie McMasters

    .….”Captain Kutchie” Never Makes Up Stories But If He Did

    It Would Probably Be About As Good As The One That You Are About To

    Read Next!…..You Believe That?….

    ….Add “Captain Kutchie Pelaez” To Make This The All-Time Greatest Film Ever Made!….

    …Could..“Clint” Eastwood. Possibly Be Competing With “Captain Kutchie
    Pelaez” For The Position Of “The World’s Most Interesting
    Man”…Perhaps?…But Then Again Perhaps He Is Just Waiting For “Kutchie
    Pelaez and Frankie Valli” To “Make His Day”!…Ha, Go Figure!….

    ….We Heard A Few Years Back That

    Megyn Kelly Of Fox News, Really Loved Her Some Of Captain Kutchie’s And
    Anita Pelaez’s Famous Key Lime Pies! Could That Make Megyn “The Most
    Interesting Lady In The World?….I Guess “NO” On That One, That One Would
    Have To Be “The Lovely –Mrs. Anita Pelaez” The Queen Of The Key Lime
    Pie World!

    ….I sure hope that this will be a great opportunity for

    everyone to see some of “Don Rickle’s Scenes” from his productions of

    his classic hits “The Tales From Kutcharitaville”. You Do know that Don

    Rickles and Johnny Carson together produced those comedy hits about

    their friend “Mr. Kutchie Pelaez” and their wild and crazy exploits of

    Kutchie’s Key West and The World of Key Lime Pies from the perspective
    of (Johnny Carson, Don Rickles, Kutchie Pelaez and Steve Martins Eyes!)
    What a Hoot Those Classic Hits Surely Were. Don’t miss them, be sure to
    tune-in next month. We Laughed Until We Cried Watching Those Funny
    Movies. “The Tales From Kutcharitaville”, I Think That They May Still Be
    Available In A Boxed Set. Maybe Try Amazon. Good Luck With That….

    You Know, It’s No Wonder That Everyone Calls “Captain Kutchie
    Pelaez”..The Most Interesting Man In The World! Did You Know That
    Kutchie Drinks Those Wonderful Mixed Drinks Named In His Honor Called

    There A Hell Of A Lot Better Than Any Mexican Beers. And Much Stronger
    To Boot!…You Could Almost Hear The Song Now…”Wasting Away Again In
    Kutcharitaville”.!…What Do Ya Think? Not Bad Ahh!…

    ….That Sunken Ship In The News These Days,

    ….It’s Been Resting Down On The Bottom Of The Sea Since Way Back In
    1857, “Mel Fisher” Even Overlooked That One!… “Yankee Jack Pittorino”
    and “Micheal McCloud” Now Have Reason To Write Another
    Song…(Hint-Hint-Hint) “Jack” Listen-Up Here!

    ….Hell, We Can’t Find A Boeing 777 That’s Been Lost Only A

    Little Over A Few Months Now! Could It Be Because The Jet Had No Silver and Gold Aboard, Just People?….Go Figure……

    ….Good Thing That All The ….(“Anita And Kutchie Pelaez’s Key West Key
    Lime Pie Shops”)..Are All Showing Increasing Pie Sales Throughout All
    They’re Areas Of Distribution. Consumers Just Never Seem To Reach
    They’re Fill Of Those “Yummy Key Lime Pies” That The “Peleaz’s Working
    Partner Team” Continues To Produce. They Have Been Called “Love At First

    .Everyone Agrees, That The Loving Couple Have Been Baking They’re

    Culinary Delectables Over 40-Years Now!….

    Isn’t She Wonderful?….”AAAHHHH”, The Magic Of The Gorgeous “Mrs. Anita
    Pelaez” Well She Is Something Else!…Honey, She’s The Real Thing Baby!….

    ….Who The Hell Does That “Kutchie Pelaez” Think That He Is?….”Frankie Valli” Or Some Big-Shot Like That?

    ….It’s No Wonder That People Are All Calling Him “The Most Interesting Man In The World”,…Big Girls Don’t Cry…Do They?….

    ….Don’t Cha Just Love Em!?….We Sure Do!….It is A Well Known Fact That
    “Captain Kutchie Pelaez” Knows Who Put The Bomp In The Bomp Shoo Bomp
    Shoo Bomp And The Rama In The Rama Lama Ding Dong!.

    ….He Even Knows Who Put The Dip In The Dip Da Dip Da Dip!…How Cool Is That?….

    ….”Frankie Valli and Kutchie Pelaez”..Did Make-It As Big As “Frank Sanatra”.

    ….”Yeah” A Few Wise Guys They Certainly Were “Frankie Valli, Kutchie
    Pelaez and Joe Pesci”!….Together “The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot

    ….Mafiosi Wanna-Bee’s. The Key Lime Pie “Wild Bunch”. They’ve Got
    Everyone Shaking In They’re Flip-Flops!….”Even “Jimmy Buffet” Doesn’t
    Know Where It’s Safe To Hide-Out”!….Especially Since Everyone Found-Out
    That “Captain Kutchie Pelaez” Was The One Who First Came-Up With The
    “Goody Goody”…“The Original Cheese Burgers In Paradise” And Kutchie’s
    Buddy. “Levi Stubbs”. Of The “Four Tops” Helped Him Name Them Way Back
    In The Early 70?s.

    ….Eli Wallach, Be Careful, Don’t Eat The “Cannoli’s”!…They’re Killer Man!….

    ….I’d Give My Left “Nut” To Set Down With “Captain Kutchie Pelaez,
    Frankie Valli, Terry Levi, Joe Pesci, Bob Gaudio, Bob Crewe, Paul
    Shaffer, Bob De Niro, Tommy DeVito, Martin Scorsese, Clint East Wood,
    Bob Newhart And Yankee Jack Pittorino”! Rub Elbows And Shoot The Shit
    With That Whole Crew Of “Good Fellows” Or “Wise Guys” Or Whatever The
    Hell You Want To Call Them!….”Who Wouldn’t”?….

    ….I Believe That “Kutchie” First Sang “My Eyes Adored You” And “Can’t
    Take My Eyes Off Of You” To His Lovely Bride “Anita” Way Back In The
    Seventies! ….Sounds Like A Love Story To Us!

    ….A Very Good Yarn! “You” “You’re Good You”….

    ….That “Captain Kutchie” Always Lands Back On His Feet. No Matter How
    Tough The Situation Is He Always Comes Back Up On The Top Of The Heap,
    King Of The Hill! Everyone Knows That! Never Count The Captain Out No
    Matter How Down The Chips May..Appear!…… Remember That He Is Not Only
    “The World Famous Captain Kutchie Pelaez” But Please Keep In Mind That
    “Captain Kutchie” Is Also Considered “The Most Interesting Man In The
    World”!….Why Else Would Everyone Be Talking About Him And His
    Adventurous Wild And Crazy World Exploits, Treasure Hunting And
    Exploring, The Megalodon Teeth And Oh All Those Giant Reptile
    Exploits?…To Say “The Dude” Really Has Balls Is Quite An Understatement
    To Say The Least!….

    ….His Drop Dead Gorgeous Wife “Anita”

    And They’re Famous Key Lime Pies!….They’re World Famous Historic Key
    West Kutcharitaville Key Lime Pie Factory and Grill, Home Of The Famous
    “Goody Goody” Cheese Burgers In Paradise!….All Conveniently Located In
    NC Near The Famous “Biltmore House And Estate!….

    ….Yeah, You’re Good You. No You’re “DAMN GOOD YOU”….

    ….Also Add “The Two Yutes”….”What’s A Yute”? You Might Ask. Just Ask “Yankee Jack”…..


    Lasts Forever and Ever, Two People Become One! A Covenant Between A
    Husband, His Wife And The Lord “Jesus” The Christ! Marriage, The Same
    Yesterday Today Tomorrow And Forever More! True Love Never Changes! Just
    Ask “Captain Kutchie Pelaez” He Knows!….That What The Lord Puts
    Together Can Never Be Broken!…

    …..That “Captain Kutchie” Really Knows His Stuff. He’s Mind Blowing To Say The Least!…

    ….”Captain Kutchie” Never Kisses Ass But If He Did Kiss An Ass It Would
    Probably Be His Beautiful Wife’s Ass!….You Go “Captain Kutchie”!….

    ….”Captain Kutchie”, You Put You’re Cloth’s Back On, “You”!….

    ….Who Dat, Dat Say “Who Dat” Every Time Dat I Say Who Dat, “Who Dat”?….

    ….Nobody Be Done Does It Better Than The “Captain Kutchie” Be Done Did!….

    ….At A Time Like This, I Can’t Help But Think, What Would “Captain Kutchie” Say?….

    ….Yeah, With They’re Olive Oil Voice And Guinea Charm, The Damn Dago Wop
    Grease-Ball Goombahs Are Out To Steal Everyone’s Grease! The
    Scumbags!….That’s Probably What Captain Kutchie Might Say!…

    ….Anita and Captain Kutchie Pelaez’s Key Lime Pies Are Really As Good As
    Everyone Says They Are. The Proof Is In The Pudding, They’re That Damn

    ….With “Anita’s and Kutchie’s” World Famous Key Lime Pies You Will Always Eat, Drink and Be Murray!

    ….”Captain Kutchie” Of Key Lime Pie Fame Always Told Me “Keep You’re Friends Close But Keep You’re Enemies Closer”.


    that’s a go!….ok….go…….please go away now!……go to your room now!….well

    if you don’t go now, i will!….bye-bye….i am gone now, you can stop

    reading, cause i am gone……i am really gone now!

    ….i can’t believe that you are still reading this! you believe that?

    ….i can’t believe that we ate that whole key lime pie!…

    “Rooms To Go” did good, maybe the “Pelaez’s” should change their name to
    “Key Lime Pies To Go”, Yeah-What Do You-All Think? Is That A

    Go?……go to your room now!….BYE!….

    ….With “Captain Kutchie” It Is Known As “The Battle Of The Bulge”!….,

    ….Ain’t It A Kick In The Head?…..Damn Straight It Is!….
    ….I Saw Captain Kutchie’s Dick Before…”OMG!!!”……Oh My, It’s A Nice One Too!…I Can’t Wait To Get It Back In My Mouth, YUM!…

    ….Oh And Kutchie’s Great Cheese Burgers In Paradise, The World’s First Ones And Still The Best!….

  • Reply May 5, 2016


    I Tried The Captain Kutchie’s Key Lime Pies And Those PieGasams Healed All My
    Symptoms Within The First 4-Weeks! I highly Recommend Captain Kutchie’s
    Key Lime Pies For Anything That Ails You!….(“They’re Great”!!!.)..


    …Kobe Bryant May Be Retiring From Basket Ball But Captain Kutchie’s Is Still His Pie Of Choice!…
    Get Enough Of That Key Lime Pie, Key Lime Pie, Key Lime Pie. Can’t Get
    Enough Of That Key Lime Pie Or I’ll Just Cry Until I Die, I Don’t Know
    Why I Just Love My Key Lime Pies!….


    …This Key Lime Pie Is For Our Old Friend, “The Late Great MEADOWLARK LEMON”!…RIP OLD BUDDY!…Keep Spinning Those Pies Dude!…
    Key Lime Pie Goes Out-Too Our Other Buddy “GLENN FREY”!….Rock and Roll
    Heaven Just Keeps Feeling Up!….So Glenn,….Take It Easy Buddy. Or As You
    Always Said, You’ll Take It Anyway You Can Get It!…
    ..And We
    Hate To Sound Like A Broken Record But Here Is A Key Lime Pie For Our
    Buddy “Maurice White”, Founder Of The Great Group “Earth, Wind and
    Fire”!..Rest In Peace Dude.
    …This Key Lime Pie Award Goes To A
    Very Great American As Well As The Judge That First Declared Anita and
    Kutchie Pelaez’s “The Official Key Lime Pies of America”!..”The Great
    Antonin Scalia U.S. Supreme Court Justice…. RIP, Judge!…



    …that “Captain Kutchie Pelaez” of “Kutcharitaville” over
    in Asheville, NC sure enough is “One Wild and Crazy Guy!” All the women
    are so wild about him and his Famous Cheese Burgers and Key Lime Pies,

    Hellaciously Fantastic Tender and Delicious Prime Ribs and Prime Steaks.

    Drop Off the Bone Bar-B-Q Ribs, Pulled Pork and Beef Brisket


    His Drop Dead Gorgeous Wife “Miss Anita” together in they’re Historic Key

    Lime Pie Factory and Grill, where the Smiles and Ovens are always Warm

    and Friendly, Inviting You to Spend A Little Time Resting and Enjoying

    Your Time in They’re Little “Key West Island” near the Biltmore Estate

    Close By…Kutcharitaville Cafe’ Where It’s Always 5-O-Clock!…


    ….Kind of Funny You Know, The World’s Greatest Key Lime Pies Aren’t

    Even Baked In The Keys But At Kutcharitaville By Captain Kutchie

    Pelaez and His Lovely Wife Miss Anita In The Carolina Mountains!….Go



    …”Kutch”, Is The “CAPTAIN” That Put The “SOUL” In SOUL FOOD!…Who Would Have Thought That?…
    Anita And ’Chef ‘Captain Kutchie Pelaez’s Key West-Kutcharitaville Key
    Lime Pie Factory And Cafe’, “Where Eating Is A Pleasure And Cooking Is
    An Art”….. Hell, “Chef Kutchie Pelaez” Has More Talent In His Toe-Nail
    Clippings Than All The Others Have In Their Entire Bodies!..


    You’ll Soon Learn Why People Call “Captain Kutchie

    Pelaez “The Most Interesting Man In The World!”…But don’t take our word

    for it, follow the Long Lines to “Miss Anita and Captain Kutchie Pelaez’s Key

    West-Kutcharitaville Key Lime Pie Factory and Grill’. “The Place To Be”

    since 1976!..


    Don’t be fooled into thinking that Jimmy Buffett

    or had anything to do with this place. Just Ask Miss Sunshine Smith!
    That would be an insult To The “Captain”!… Kutchie’s was here long
    before anyone ever heard of JB……Sheesh!..


    Donald Trump loves KUTCHARITAVILLE so much that he often has take-out

    flown to him in NEW YORK CITY! WOW! He must really love those Original

    Cheese Burgers in Paradise, we sure do, they have our Vote for Sure.


    My best friend said she heard last week that Donald Trump and Stephen

    Colbert together are planing on a Welcome to the USA Party for “Pope Francis”

    to be held soon over in Asheville, NC at “Kutcharitaville”.

    Some party that will be for sure!.


    Think, I’ll just get all the girls together and we can all Nude-Up and

    go too “Captain Kutchie’s” and Get Drunk and Screw! Let’s Go Y’all!

    Captain Kutchie’s Key Lime Pies Are World Famous For Giving Everyone

    That Eats Them They’re Very First “PIEGASAM”….That’s Probably why one

    must be over 18 years of age to purchase one or have an adult present.


    …Oh and all that Great Fall Off The Bone Bar-B-Q Slow Smoking Beef Briskets, Pork Ribs, Shoulders and Pork Butts…“Carly
    say’s that she Can Smell They’re Butts Miles Away!….Or Maybe She Was
    Just Smelling “Hillary”!…..OMG?…..Recent Thoughts, Maybe She Is Just
    Smelling Her Upper Lip!…


    …The Late Great “Captain Tony Tarracino” of Key West Fame was an Old
    Friend of “Captain Kutchie Pelaez”. Together the two of them Sailed Many
    Adventures Not Known To Much Of The World! Nighttime Runs Too Cuba And Back. Cheese Burgers, Rum, Scotch,
    Cigarettes, Cigars, Treasure Maps, Pizzas, Chocolate Bars and Key Lime
    Pies Helped The Two Make History. If You Can Believe It Even “Mel
    Fisher” Was Known To Hang With Them!….


    Captain Kutchie The Key Lime Pie Whisperer!…Don’t Cha-Know!..


    Thank “GOD” That Noah Had Two of Kutchie’s Key Lime Pies On That Ark!….


    And Don’t Forget “Ernest Hemingway’s” (Original Thinking Post) ! There
    Was Only One And “Captain Kutchie” Has It. Don’t Miss It.


    Sucks!…………………….Bill Does Too!…….I Feel His Pain, Don’t You?…And
    “Jebio”, Yeah, “Little Marco” Really Sucks Too! Just Ask “Chris


    ..And Why Is “Little Marco” So Interested In
    What “Donald Trump” Has Between His Legs Anyway? “Yeah,” What’s Up With
    That?…..And “Ted Cruz,” Dude, What Have You Got To Lose But A Hawk
    Nose, Maybe A Women With Some Booze And The Cigarette Blues, Whatever
    You Chose, You Still Lose!…You And Little Marco Make “Trump” Feel Like A
    “Cuban Sandwich”. Feel The Bern?…


    ..Captain Kutchie Pelaez For President And Miss Anita Pelaez For First Lady!!!

    They Will Put A Key Lime Pie and A Gallon Of Fresh Kutcharita’s in Every Refrigerator!….


    I Forgot One,….That Chuck Todd Sucks Too!….That Sleazy Eyed Gutter
    Snipper!….Sheesh Give Me A Break!…Where Did They Find That Moron?..Such A

    Kutchie Pelaez”,….Who Loves You Pretty Baby!,…Who, Who,
    Who!……Everybody Does!…We Loved Your Movies Too, Please Make Some
    More. All Your Fan Base Loves You “Captain Kutch”!….


    Like You Said Captain Kutch…..No More Clinton’s, …No More Obama’s, and…
    No More Bush’s/ (Vito Corleone)! , Or “Jebio Rubio Marco”. No More
    First-Term “Wet.Back” Senators!…


    ..And Now, They’re All
    Trying to Paint “Donald Trump” As Being So Bad That He Is “Ronald
    Reagan” INCARNATE. One Would Think That This Was The 80’s Again! And
    Listening To “Mitt Romney” Whining You Would Think That He Was Some Kind
    Of “Mormon Moron!”…What A Sore Loser……….Just Look At The Numbers On
    Both Sides “People”!…(It Has To Be Because Of “Donald Trump” If You Ask
    Me.)..even if you don’t ask me And You Didn’t…..just look….



    ..Talk About Snake’s In The Grass, We Sure Do Have Enough Of Them For A Lifetime!…
    Now That’s What I’m Talking About!…


    …Praise The Lord And God Bless The USA!…….So Don’t Worry Mon, Bee Happy!….


    Just Hasn’t Been Very Funny Since Captain Kutchie Got Mad That Night,
    Got His Key Lime Pies Packed Back-Up And Stomped-Out With Them Under His
    Arms!…Yeah, What Was All That About?…Wonder What Lorne Michaels and Larry David Thought About Them Apples!…


    Remember Reading Several Years Back, That “Megyn Kelly” Of FOX NEWS,
    Really Loved Eating Herself Plenty Of “Chef, Captain Kutchie Pelaez’s”
    World Famous Key Lime Pies!…..You Don’t Think That “Megyn Kelly” Has
    Been Eating Too Many Of Those Pies Do You? ..Because With “Donald
    Trump”, She Has Lately Been Acting More Like “DAN RATHER” Than “Megyn”.
    That’s Our Report, You Decide.

    …”Robin Meade” Loves Her Some
    Of “Miss Anita And Captain Kutchie’s” World Famous Key Lime Pies Too!
    You, Know She Has Good Tastes, She Probably Tastes Good
    ..It’s, No Secret, The “Pelaez’s” Are The Most Compelling Pies To Cross Anyone’s Palate In The History Of Our Great Nation!….
    ..”Miss Anita And Chef, Captain Kutchie Pelaez’s” World Famous Key Lime Pies, At Your Service Whenever The Mood Strikes You!…..
    ..No, It’s Not STAR WARS, But Let The Pies Be With You!…
    Heard That “Hulk Hogan” Said That He Was Talking About Hiring “Captain
    Kutchie” To Build Him A Key Lime Pie Factory In His Home Town Of
    Belleair Estates, In Clearwater Beach, Florida…..
    Doesn’t Think That She Has Ever Lied And Doesn’t Think That She Ever
    Will! .. Are You Still Interested In Buying That Property For Sale Down
    In The Everglades?…


    ..We’re Not All On The Same Boat But We’re All On The Same Wave-Length!…


    You Just See, “Brother Merle Haggard” Sitting There Drinking FREE
    BUBBLE-UP And Eating “Chef Captain Kutchie’s” Famous Key Lime Pie And
    Merle’s Favorite Fork Tender Smoked Beef Brisket There At
    “Kutcharitaville”. Keep Spinning Those Hits “Merle”!….


    …And “Nancy”, Here Is A Key Lime Pie For You And “Ronnie”! You Go Girl…



    With An Extra “HEAVY-HEAVY HEART”, “Captain Kutchie Pelaez’s”, EXTRA
    Key West and Boston, Mass. Has Passed Away, Much Too Soon..Rest In Peace
    Pisan…….Enjoy Your Key Lime Pies Buddy…
    …We Remember “Yankee
    Jack”, “Captain Tony”, “Jimmy Buffett”, “Mel Fisher”, “Captain Terry
    Levi”, “Captain Kutchie Pelaez” And Many Other Famous Characters Down In
    Key West In The Good Old Days. What A Blast Those Days Really Were!….

    You Ever Wonder?..Who Writes All This Crap?..Well, We Sure Do. They
    Deserve Getting Awards For Such Literary Skills, We Hope They’re
    Getting Paid Well. This Stuff Is As Good As “Hemingway” Or “MAD


    ..It, Don’t Mean Nothing, It’s Just A Fun Read……,Yeah Right!….

    That’s All I Need!….Well, Maybe This Key Lime Pie Too. Yeah, Just
    This Fun Read And This Key Lime Pie And That’s All I Need! Yeah, That’s
    All I Need!……Well, Maybe This Gallon Of Fresh Kutcharita’s Too!
    Yeah, Just This Fun Read, And This Key Lime Pie, And This Gallon Of
    Fresh Kutcharita’s! And That’s All I Need! Yeah, Just These Three
    Things. Let’s See, This Fun Read, This Key Lime Pie And This Gallon Of
    fresh Kutcharita’s! And That’s All I Need!………Well Maybe……



    I’m Picking Out A Thermos For You, Not An Ordinary Thermos For You But
    The Extra Best Thermos You Can Buy With Vinyls And Stripes And A Cup
    Built Right In………I’m Picking Out A Thermos For You And Maybe A
    Barometer Too………And What Else Can I Buy…..So On Me You’ll
    Rely……A Rear End Thermeter Too

    ..I Think That I’ll Pick Out One For “Crooked Hillary” Too!…. And That’s All She Needs!…


    Know, It’s No Wonder They Say That “Captain Kutchie Pelaez And Howard
    Livingston” Both Are Living On “Key West Time” And Blaming It On The


    ..And We Really Love “Captain Kutchie’s Damn Bar”!


    If You Didn’t Know Better, You’d Probably Guess That This Is Just
    Another Chapter From That Famous Island Book Named “The Tales From



    ..”Damn” Give Us A Break! ….”PRINCE” Is Gone Now!….Here Goes A PURPLE Key Lime Pie For You “PRINCE”!….RIP….



    New Team Of Kasich and Cruz Makes Me Want Too Scream! The Two New
    Lovers Sitting In The Park, Desperation And Collusion On They’re Tiny
    Little Minds Until Well After Dark!…They Just Make Me Want Too
    Fart!…The Scream Team Against “TRUMP” That They Just Can’t Beat, With
    They’re Low Mentalities They Just Decided That They Should Cheat!…At
    The Hands Of “DONALD TRUMP” They Will Suffer They’re Defeat!…So Kasich
    And Cruz Would Get Further Along Just Beating Each Others Meat!…


    I Think That I Should Get A Thermos, One For Kasich To Carry His
    Pancakes And One For Cruz Too Put His Booze!..And That’s All They
    …Captain Kutchie Said To Me. Who
    You Gonna Vote For, Boy. He Said That He Wanted “Pat Paulsen” To Be His
    President And A Feller Called “Soupy Sales” For His Vice. And Don’t
    Think About It Twice, The Captain Said To Me…..Ok, It Sounds Good To
    Me Sir, But “Kutcharitaville Is The Place That I Really Want To Be,
    That’s Is What I Told Him As I Started To Flee. Got To Run Now, I Really
    Need To Pee…..
    …updated story!…………..and that’s all i need!………..




  • Reply November 18, 2016

    Roger Ramjet

    Roger Ramjet

    a minute ago

    Hey Bob, do you know what the difference is in one of Captain Kutchie’s
    Famous King Size Sirloin Steak Sandwiches and an Ashton Kutcher Movie is?


    The Steak Sandwich is GOOD!…..ha, ha, ha…

    And don’t forget the Key Lime Pie!…It’s To Die For.

    Caution, I think that we’re being watched!….


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