The Modern Day Bad Boy: Introducing The Good Guy

It seems as if the day is upon us, fellow gentlemen. The time of nice guys finishing last has come and gone. It's simple: play them at their own game. Brooke shows us how.

It’s the classic contradiction. The burly football player throws an innocent freshman into a locker…and girls swoon. You get an award for being the kindest person in America…and nothin’.  Girls love to be your friend, and even worse, they love to ask your advice about guys. Like, did she not get the memo? You’re straight…and you want her. Duh.

Yes, you’re a good guy. Always have been…always will be. And we’ve all gotten the memo, good guys are known to finish last. But, not anymore…

Sweetheart, I have some great-fabulous-wonderful news for you. You, kind-hearted good guy are about to win the race. The bad boys have shoved themselves into a corner by following their rules for far too long, and good guys have never looked so, well…good. You’re about to get what you deserve. Swooning.

Introducing, the new modern day bad boy…the good guy. Here’s the deal:

Bad boys have created, marketed, and solidified a ton of dating rules throughout the years. Rules like don’t flatter a girl too much or too soon, never say I love you first, and never never call a girl less than 3 days after getting her number…just to name a few. Bad boys have followed their own rules for years…but it’s 2010 and we’re evolving–as in, women are over the game player asshole who thinks pretending she doesn’t exist will make her more interested. Announcement: the kind of woman you want to date has a brain large and functional enough to walk away from that kind of BS before you can say “I’ll call you”. But, maintaining our position as the more confusing of the sexes…we still like our men a little bad.

As it turns out, the bad boys made bad rules, but rules nonetheless. And the good guys follow them, like good guys do. And following rules can be, well, a little too good…to be bad.

If good guys start breaking bad boy rules, they can have the best of both worlds. They will remain their good-self by not following the lead of the bad boys…but by breaking rules, any rules, they’ll decorate themselves in the very sex appeal that bad boys are known for. Brilliant.

So, stop following the rules and be bad, as in sexy…stay good, as in kind. Be a good-bad boy, as in modern…and dreamy.

So how do you break the bad boy rules in a good guy way? Here’s how, example and all…

Breaking bad boy rules in a good guy way is a three step process:

State the rule (insert personality — dry, sarcastic, etc.): Hi Brooke. This is Jason from the bar last night. So, I know there’s this rule about not calling girls so soon after you meet them. Be a bad boy, break the rule: but I’m not really one for rules, so I figured I would just pick up the phone Be good, and show the bad boys who the real man is: Though, I’m also chivalrous, so if you’re into that rule, I’m happy to call you back in a few days.

Done and done. Honest, strong, kind. Sign me up for Jason…a good boy, with some bad. Let the swooning begin.

So, let’s recap: It’s good to be good. But women want it all. We want a good, trustworthy guy who will respect us and follow through, but we also want a bad boy who goes against the grain, breaks some rules, takes some risks, and shows us that he’s got a pair.

If you break the bad boy rules, you get to treat women the way your good guy self knows is right…and women will love you like you're bad.

Welcome to the new bad boy my loves…Being a good guy has never been so sexy. See I told you, great news.

Brooke Miller

Born in Detroit and raised in Chicago, Brooke Miller, MA is now a San Francisco based advice columnist and relationship expert. Her column, Soapbox Therapy, has been called “ Raw, honest, thought-provoking, and wisely witty” by readers and critics and can be read in several publications including The SF Chronicle’ s affiliate, TheIsCollection, and Cheeky Chicago. Brooke supports clients all over the country via Skype and phone coaching sessions. She can be contacted at brooke(a)