Sex: A Seductive Addiction?

Sex. Just the mention of the word makes your mind wander. It is the lure that hooks men and women on a daily basis. But can sex be an addiction? Well, it depends on who asks.

Sex is a big deal. It has been since the beginning of time. If there is anything that can get a man “hooked” it’s sex. Society knows it. The media knows it and women definitely know it. What most men don’t realize is that if you do not master your sexuality, it will definitely master you. Let me explain.

Sex is big business. At the end of 2006, the sex industry in the U.S alone was about 12 billion dollars. The revenues of the NFL, NBA, and MLB do not even come close to the revenues of the sex industry. This revenue is split between internet pornography, CD-roms, videos, and gentlemen’s clubs. One of the biggest areas of growth has been “sexting,” where nude photos of those engaged in sexual acts are sent to others via text messaging. Technology has really enhanced the growth of the sex industry. As always, men are being targeted like crazy by using sex to reach them.

There are websites where you can get involved with others interested in adultery. You can find tons of social network “meet up” sites to hook up with others, anywhere at any time. Most men say “What’s the big deal? I’m a man and I am supposed to look and gawk at women, right? I am supposed to be unfaithful to my girlfriend and delay marriage as long as I can because I am a man!”

Medically speaking, sexual arousal in any form spikes a hormone in the brain called dopamine. If you saw a picture of your brain when this happens, it would look like the brain when it’s hooked on heroin. That’s why so many men become addicted to internet porn and get involved in infidelity and adultery. Your eyes photograph what you see, your brain is spiked with dopamine, then you repeat the cycle again and again. You enjoy the experience and just like that you are looking for your next experience.


There was a governor over the past year that cheated on his wife and four kids. This guy flew out of the country to be with his mistress! Talk about being addicted!  Now his wife is filing for divorce and his political career could be in shambles.

It doesn’t stop there. Last summer, a former football star lost his life due to adultery. He started looking at a waitress that served he and his wife and family at their favorite restaurant. The two of them started going out and developed a relationship with each other. When he decided to break things off, she took matters into her own hands. She purchased a gun, killed him and then killed herself. Now he has left a wife to raise four boys on her own. Most recently, a future hall of fame golfer was caught in an adulterous affair by his wife. This man is losing endorsements, credibility and faces an uncertain future.

Now let me ask you a question, man to man, do you think ANY of these men expected things to turn out the way they did? Does any man get involved with a woman outside of his girlfriend or wife, and expect it to blow up in their face? Of course not. Most men that I have spoken to on this issue always regret getting involved with a “third party.”

So what’s a young man to do? Simple. Go against the grain of the culture. If you look at internet porn, get out of it. It can take years to detox your brain of the images you have encompassed via porn. You will then conjure up unrealistic expectations of your mate.

Guard your relationships with the opposite sex. If you have a girlfriend and there is a female co-worker who you are strongly attracted to, then maybe you need to distance yourself from her. You could be playing with fire if you become weak with temptation. If you think you can stand, be careful that you do not fall! Although you might feel like you currently have it all together, it could happen to any at any time!

Always assess what could happen if you fell into adultery or infidelity. Perform a “cost analysis.” What could you LOSE? Your position, career, health or even your life. Is it really worth risking these things?

While sex may have been designed for marriage, most men are simply not going to abstain. I’ve made mistakes in the past, but after a 10 year addiction to sex, I got it right. I abstained from sex for two years when I dated a beautiful woman who is now my wife. We have no regrets at all.

You are where you are in life due to the choices that you make. With a ton of diseases, headaches, and other potential losses, you must look yourself in the mirror and say “Is it really worth it?”

Original artist of brain image unknown.

Sanford Ashley (“The Men’s Coach”) is an author and speaker on men’s issues. His book “Sex…The Seductive Addiction”(Authorhouse) is available on amazon.com. Visit his website at www.sanfordashley.net to find out more.

  • JonelB

    What stops me from cheating is thinking about him, and how I would feel if he cheated.
    I know lots of guys who would break up with the girlfriends on the spot if she cheated on him.
    Yes, you’re a -male-, but men don’t feel the need to stay in a steady relationship and keep a “mistress” on the side. I also don’t approve of the word “mistress” that would mean he’s supporting her financially.
    Another thing, My father cheated on my mother during my 13th birthday, I still haven’t quite forgiven him for that. So if you have kids, yes they will understand, and no, they won’t see you quite the same after you abandon their mother for some greedy idiot.
    3rd thing: If you don’t like the relationship, end it before trying to find someone else! I don’t care how comfortable you are, It’s a lot less pain and agony in the long run to just go your separate ways. And don’t say “She doesn’t have to find out.” She’ll find out. If it’s from an infection she gets after intercourse, or lipstick on your collar, or the used candy underwear in your pocket–she’ll figure it out, and when she does, the relationship will never be the same.

  • kris

    You had me until you said “Sex may be designed for marriage.”

    That is just patently untrue and reveals an undercurrent of moral superiority.

    Sex is to procreate. It perpetuates the species. That is why the drive is so strong.

    Equating sex with marriage is a man made artifact.

    Thanks for listening to my opinion.

    Kris

  • Ruben

    Moral superiority? You probably mean “morals” Kris. Everybody’s got some, including yourself I’m sure. I think its unfair to acuse the author of displaying moral superiority.

    Personally I was surprised to see the statement on marriage, as I assumed such a comment wouldn’t appear in a webmagazine of this sort. However, the plain truth is that it is almost a universally held truism that marriage (between a man and woman) is the basic unit of society and that it is the primary vehicle through which procreation occurs. This isnt to say that there aren’t exceptions. But regardless of which culture we live in we pretty much will always find marriage.

    Though it may be an opinion that “sex may be designed for marriage,” I think that the consensus reality is that “marriage is designed for sex.”

  • http://www.primermagazine.com Andrew

    Kris and Ruben, thank for the comments! The “sex may be designed for marriage” line was only intended to address that there are those who believe it, (and in many ways we are TAUGHT that in American society), the next line continues to explain it doesn’t matter what sex was intended for, there are guys out there who are going to do what they want, when they want, regardless of it being adultery or right or wrong.
    .-= Andrew´s last blog ..Five Reasons You Might Want to Bet on the Saints in the Super Bowl =-.

  • n005

    “What’s the big deal? I’m a man and I am supposed to look and gawk at women, right? I am supposed to be unfaithful to my girlfriend and delay marriage as long as I can because I am a man!”

    “Supposed to” seems to be a euphemism for “we don’t know why, but we’ve been doing it since before the Holocene epoch, our imagination fails at the thought of NOT doing it, and by god, if we stopped doing it now, then surely THE WORLD WOULD COME TO AN END!!!! ZOMG!!!!”

    People who do everything they are SUPPOSED (expected) to do are part of the problem with this world. Let us cast aside the “suppose’tuhs” and start working on what we HAD BETTER do, and maybe we’ll have at hand a solution to this insane sex addiction business.

    Articles like this remind me of why I subscribed to Primer and quit reading trashy lad mags like Maxim.

  • Rich

    I found this and thought it was a great way to keep the sex life exciting. As for the guys I found this to help out alot nothing crazy just a great book. it’s at http://www.heavenlypleasure.net I’m not an affiliate or anything just thought it might help out for anyone looking to keep life exciting

  • http://www.yelto.com sexyguy

    sex is not related to marriage too many guys and girls participate in sex before marriage yelto dating network

  • John Dugan

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