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Stop Ordering Drinks Like an Undergrad: Learning to Drink After College

Drinking after college can be hard: you’re no longer trying to drink as much as possible for as cheap as possible, but you also don’t want to look like a pretentious jerk who’s trying too hard. We break it down for you.

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One of the most pretentious things I see in bars is when people order a glass of wine. Don’t get me wrong, wine is great when paired with a nice meal, or when relaxing after a long day, however it is not a bar drink.

Social drinking after college can be a difficult thing, you don’t want to be pounding PBRs with your co-workers, but you don’t want to look like the pompous jerk either.

So what’s a guy to do? First we need to look at college drinks, since you don’t know where you’re going until you know from whence you came.

College Beer Selection

PBR was always a solid choice. So was stale Miller Lite, Bud Light, or pretty much any light beer that was on special and could be drunk in high volume.

What it says about you

I’m here to get sloppy drunk. I’m cheap. And I could care less what the swill I’m drinking tastes like.

College Mixed Drink Selection

Vodka and club, whiskey and Coke, gin and tonic. All three will get you to the desired result, all three also lack a name brand alcohol. That’s because you were drinking “well liquor” (that is, the cheapest, dirtiest, made in a bathtub booze that even fake money can buy.)

What it says about you

I’m here to get sloppy drunk. I’m cheap. And I could care less what the swill I’m drinking tastes like.

College Liquor Selection

Shots with names like “Kamikaze,” “Snake Bite,” and “Mind Eraser.” Occasionally mixed in with some sort of a bomb.

What it says about you

This one’s a little different. If you’re going at it this hard you probably had a bad day, broke up with your girlfriend, or failed an exam (that you were too busy to study for because you were shotgunning PBRs in a basement that you’ll never find your way back to).

Now that we covered the blackout inducing college drinks, it’s time to move on to something better. Drinks for men who can drink like men. This means not vomiting in alleyways (sorry boys).

A Man’s Social Beer

Any kind of regional beer is usually a good choice. I personally prefer Hoegaarden or Moosehead. Fat Tire is popular with a lot of guys. I find these to be sipping beers that are enjoyed rather than pounded and the flavors to be more refined.

What it says about you

Beer can be a tricky one to navigate. If I go out with a group of guys and one of them orders a totally obscure beer I’ve never heard of, it usually raises some question. He might be a beer snob or just picky. Chances are he would prefer a glass of wine and discussing Dostoyevsky. My advice is to go with something on tap, and it’s easier on the wallet.

A Man’s Social Mixed Drink

If whiskey is your drink of choice, you can ditch the Coke and just order it straight up. Johnny Walker Black Label is a great drink to enjoy, if you can handle it. Another drink to consider is the martini, disregarding the fact that Sex and the City made it seem like a woman’s only drink.

What it says about you

Drinking scotch can say one of two things, either you: watch too much Mad Men and you’re trying to be Don Draper, or you’re a degenerate alcoholic who’s just trying to get hammered. As long as you sip your drink slowly, the latter won’t be an issue. As for the former, Don Draper is badass, so go for it.

Martinis can be trickier to navigate. Try ordering them with a top-shelf vodka with some olives for taste. If you handle yourself like a man, nobody will give you a hard time for it. For more on martinis, check out our guide to uncovering the martini.

You may have noticed that shots for men were left out, and that’s because there is no place for shots in the social drinking world of men. The only time you should be pounding down shots at the bar at this point is if it’s after 10 o’clock at night and you’re not out with coworkers. However, if you’re just out for some post-work drinks with some of the guys from the office, try to keep it classy. Of course, you could always sneak a shotgunned Busch Light in the bathroom when they’re not looking to get your fix.

About

AC currently lives in New Jersey.

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  • tudza

    You drink scotch to get hammered? I suppose it depends on what scotch you’re drinking, now doesn’t it. And stop drinking those vodka martinis. sonny. Martinis are made with gin.

  • http://www.primermagazine.com Andrew

    As long as you sip slowly, it shouldn’t be a problem. What’s your favorite gin for a martini?

  • erik

    I didn’t start drinking until after college, and now I drink a gin and tonic specifically because I like the taste and I’m not looking to get drunk. I hate the taste of beer, and I don’t want something as strong as a gin martini.

    Any advice?

  • http://www.whisky-rating.com Oliver Klimek

    I generally agree with you, but the statement “wine is not a bar drink” does sound a bit patronizing. Tell this to the people in a French bar, and you will risk to be kicked out immediately. But of to enjoy it in a bar you should of course know a bit more about wine than just to tell apart red from white.
    .-= Oliver Klimek´s last blog ..Woodford Reserve =-.

  • Dan

    From a man who lived in a fraternity house in college, I can attest to this article. I know wines and I only drink hand-crafted ales. I had my share of shooters, beer bongs, and keg stands in the 1980s

    Impress your clients when you order cocktails: “Bombay Sapphire martini, straight up, two olives” or “Makers’ Mark Manhattan, straight up in a chilled glass”. Call brands are more expensive, but impressive.

    Of course, when you are in New Orleans or Vegas for a boy’s weekend with your college fraternity brothers, you can do shots again!

  • Andrew

    Dan, Great comment! I’m going to try the Maker’s Mark Manhattan, straight up in a chilled glass next time. Awesome.

  • Dave

    Okay. The question is really where to start with this one. First off vodka up in a martini glass is a drink for women. If you want to drink like a man learn to drink gin instead of tasteless alcohol. Second the idea that mixed drinks are not manly drinks is about the dumbest thing I have read about drinking alcohol. Drinking mixed drinks has been a truly American man’s craft for the last 200 years. While I agree that drinking rot gut well is never a good idea for anyone with more than $5 in their wallet, I really don’t see how gin and tonic or a is a sissy drink. Better yet I would like to see the author of this drink a chartreuse cocktail or a Negroni or a Rye Manhattan and tell me that mixed drinks are not manly. Seriously this is how an unsophisticated drinker that wants to forget he was in a frat drinks, not how a “man” drinks. Graduating from college and making more than $20,000 a year does not make you a man.

  • Andrew

    Hey Dave,

    Thanks for the comment. Did you read the full article? The problem with mixed drinks is that in college, people drink things that are sweet with horrible liquor in them, not that mixed drinks are unmanly somehow. I drink an Old Fashioned regularly, and don’t feel any less a man. Nothing wrong with a REAL gin & tonic, but that’s not what college guys order most times. They’re ordering the $4 well special.

    The ol’ gin and vodka debate…to each his own I suppose. Vodka may not have much ‘flavor’ but it certainly doesn’t lack bite.

  • kevin

    don draper drinks canadian club whisky most of the time which coincidentally is also the main liqour pedaled by nucky thompson in Boardwalk empire

  • Patrick

    I’m still in college and I’d like to think I have a pretty mature pallet when it comes to drinks. I’m a big anise fan, so anything that way is good; Absinthe, Ouzo. I recently found a drink that is absolutely amazing, its called Chartreuse. Not sure if you’ve heard of it, and if you haven’t you’ve got to try it! If your an herb fan, that is. I enjoyed this!

  • Devon

    This is one of the dumbest articles I’ve ever read. I would love someone to explain to me how drinking, at all, is “manly”. What does this have to do with the amount of testosterone one has? It’s alcohol, and the preference in what you drink has absolutely nothing to do with how much of a man you are. You also seem to worry way to much about what others think, the “What it says about you” sections are ridiculous. This isn’t what it says about a person, this is what you feel a person who drinks these things is like. Quite frankly I don’t see why you would pay attention to other men in a bar, I certainly never do. To say wine is not a bar drink is also crazy, how is this exactly? What is someone loves the taste of wine over all alcohols, they should refrain from enjoying the taste simply because there are insecure men in the bar who may or may not judge them for it? Just a load of shit.

  • Mark

    Devon, you make some great points.  However, every counterpoint you make is just wro–.  Wait… oh, shit, all of your counterpoints are completely valid arguments that 1) real men should do whatever they want without worrying about how other people will see him and 2) we should do so without forming prejudiced opinions about the other guys at the bar who aren’t drinking by our standards.  Damn, that’s good.

    Keep being an insecure ass, Adam Gandolfini.  The rest of us will be drinking whatever we’d like without giving a fuck.

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