Linkszomania for August 4, 2010

Every Wednesday, I’m going to take you on a whirlwind adventure of 13 links chronicling the news throughout the geek world I inhabit. Whether it’s movies, music, art, politics, gadgets, science, sports, grammar, or superheroes… nothing’s out of bounds and everything’s interesting.

Let it begin…

  1. Do you know how to walk through a crowd? Don’t laugh. Many ankles have been sprained, knees knocked, and people infused with rage because of insufficient crowd navigation abilities.
  2. Good little fact to hurl out there at a party this week: the Amish population is increasing at a rate of about 5% per year – one new settlement is taking shape just about every month. Oh, also: did you know that Ohio nearly has as many Amish people as Pennsylvania?
  3. Apparently, car thieves prefer vehicles that are black, white, or silver. In other words, most everyone on Earth is going to have his or her car stolen within the next 38 minutes.
  4. I didn’t know there were “tips” on how to get a good meal at a Chinese restaurant but Esquire seemingly knows a lot more than I do (namely: how to get women to associate with them in any fashion).
  5. In recent years, solar power costs have decreased considerably while nuclear costs have only gone up. Translation: let’s just use that big existing nuclear reactor in outer space to power our planet and not worry so much about splitting atoms down here.
  6. The only flaw with chips: residue. Whether it’s grease or flavor dust, an extended snack session sponsored by Doritos is sure to leave your fingers worse for wear. Clearly, the only solution is a tiny Mickey Mouse hand/chopstick analog that allows contact-less chip-eating.
  7. If you want to be in four U.S. states at once, you better double-check and make sure there is no construction happening or else your embryonic form of omnipresence will fall apart completely.
  8. What to do with old chairs? How about cutting the backs off and turning them into clothes hangers? Leave it to the Europeans.
  9. History might just repeat itself but if we are to trust Hollywood (and who doesn’t, after Marmaduke), then we already know what’s going to happen in the next 40 years of human history.
  10. Cutting in front of two uniformed police officers at Starbucks is obviously dumb. But cutting in front of two uniformed police officers at Starbucks as the first part of your plan to rob the Starbucks? That is HISTORICALLY dumb.
  11. You know how traffic jams somehow just materialize on a road without an accident or anything? Sure you do (and you probably also know just how much this makes you want to go on a shooting spree thereafter). Anyway, this “traffic without reason” is called a shockwave traffic jam and for the first time, its befuddling nature has been captured and recreated under closed conditions. There’s no real solution yet except, y’know, to just drive more effectively.
  12. The website may all be in squiggly-talk but the pictures that splice historic photos into contemporary photos are universally legible as awesome.
  13. What do you do if a copperhead snake bites you on the hand? Well, if you’re an 81-year-old North Carolinian, you perform self-surgery, suck the venom out, and then stomp the snake to death. Yes, you read that sentence correctly.

Have a week!

Justin Brown is a writer and artist living in Virginia. He channels most of his mind's molten river of creativity into his blog Esteban Was Eaten!. For even more information about him, check out his website.