Comments on: Seriously – You Need to Get Over That Girl From High School http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/love/seriously-you-need-to-get-over-that-girl-from-high-school Not Your Typical Men's Magazine. Sun, 12 Feb 2012 02:48:24 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: Serena http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/love/seriously-you-need-to-get-over-that-girl-from-high-school/comment-page-1#comment-14530 Serena Sun, 08 Jan 2012 07:42:05 +0000 http://www.primermagazine.com/?p=122#comment-14530 I read this while I am in a mess myself. This happened during my senior year in college...and he and I could not have been more opposite. I saw him looking at me and retorted, "Take a picture, it will last longer!" Our friends were awkwardly...seeing each other...so we were inseparable after that night...and I have so much difficulty in saying it wasn't absolute, myth defying love like every sappy movie that usually makes me want to vomit. I had to move an hour away from him for graduate school while he worked and he continuously mentioned a fat chick at work that "was obsessed with him" and even sent herself flowers to "get his attention" like someone was interested in her. I never thought much of her being rich or never wearing the same thing...these comments were spread out over time...and we fought more. I was farther away and the distance caused problems. He envied my schedule, as he did not get into graduate school himself and was having to work for a year (where he met her) and was angry with the world. She wanted to pick him up and take him home from work, but I still didn't think anything of it...he broke up with me to my surprise at the end of the year and I was nothing short of having to go into the looney bin...and he continued to get in touch with me...and I loved him more than life. His ex before me sent me his wedding announcement to that same girl and I found out that they got engaged three months after we broke up...and yet, he woudln't tell me that and kept getting in touch. His grad school was an expensive one, and money bags would surely cover it. I told him I'd get a lawyer, a restraining order, and ruin his career if he ever got in touch with me again. For many years, that has been so...but not a day passed without him in my mind. The love never diminished. I got married a couple years ago, and recently I decided to make amends with all of the people that had treated me poorly...and he was the one that had broken my spirit...so he was the last one. Before i knew it, he was remembering every detail of our relationship, even things I had forgotten. Two kids and a frumpy but relatively attractive wife and almost all of a doctorate later, he seems to have realized it was a hasty decision...and my heart breaks. Is this attachment? Is this what the article refers to as far as the reference? I understand the situation. I know all the wrong parts of it, I understand the repercussions on every part I have mentioned. This love was by far the most powerful thing I had experienced, however...and he cried the night he broke up with me, which made no sense to me. He continuously got in touch and I found out he constantly kept up with me through the years. He knew things he could only have known by doing research. I just want to know...is this the same as what you are saying, or is this something different? Do people live their whole lives with a hole in the pit of their gut? I read this while I am in a mess myself. This happened during my senior year in college…and he and I could not have been more opposite. I saw him looking at me and retorted, “Take a picture, it will last longer!” Our friends were awkwardly…seeing each other…so we were inseparable after that night…and I have so much difficulty in saying it wasn’t absolute, myth defying love like every sappy movie that usually makes me want to vomit. I had to move an hour away from him for graduate school while he worked and he continuously mentioned a fat chick at work that “was obsessed with him” and even sent herself flowers to “get his attention” like someone was interested in her. I never thought much of her being rich or never wearing the same thing…these comments were spread out over time…and we fought more. I was farther away and the distance caused problems. He envied my schedule, as he did not get into graduate school himself and was having to work for a year (where he met her) and was angry with the world. She wanted to pick him up and take him home from work, but I still didn’t think anything of it…he broke up with me to my surprise at the end of the year and I was nothing short of having to go into the looney bin…and he continued to get in touch with me…and I loved him more than life. His ex before me sent me his wedding announcement to that same girl and I found out that they got engaged three months after we broke up…and yet, he woudln’t tell me that and kept getting in touch. His grad school was an expensive one, and money bags would surely cover it. I told him I’d get a lawyer, a restraining order, and ruin his career if he ever got in touch with me again. For many years, that has been so…but not a day passed without him in my mind. The love never diminished. I got married a couple years ago, and recently I decided to make amends with all of the people that had treated me poorly…and he was the one that had broken my spirit…so he was the last one. Before i knew it, he was remembering every detail of our relationship, even things I had forgotten. Two kids and a frumpy but relatively attractive wife and almost all of a doctorate later, he seems to have realized it was a hasty decision…and my heart breaks. Is this attachment? Is this what the article refers to as far as the reference? I understand the situation. I know all the wrong parts of it, I understand the repercussions on every part I have mentioned. This love was by far the most powerful thing I had experienced, however…and he cried the night he broke up with me, which made no sense to me. He continuously got in touch and I found out he constantly kept up with me through the years. He knew things he could only have known by doing research. I just want to know…is this the same as what you are saying, or is this something different? Do people live their whole lives with a hole in the pit of their gut?

]]> By: Andrew http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/love/seriously-you-need-to-get-over-that-girl-from-high-school/comment-page-1#comment-12749 Andrew Tue, 25 Oct 2011 16:12:07 +0000 http://www.primermagazine.com/?p=122#comment-12749 College Kid, I'm sorry everything's been such a mess. Sounds like you've really done a lot for this girl, and it's been a long time. There are two steps to overcoming your feelings for The One. First, you have to acknowledge MENTALLY that she's no good for you and you want to move on. This is usually the easy part, and it sounds like you're 90% there. Just read your comment again, and then ask yourself, "is this the person that is worth my time? That deserves ME? Is this the person that will make me happy when I'm 80?" No of course she isn't. So punch yourself in the face and tell yourself you're not going to take this shit anymore. You're better than this. You deserve more. None of this is your fault, you're a great guy trying to do the right thing -- but unfortunately this girl and you ARE NOT compatible, as evidenced by her cheating on you three times. If you stick around, if you let it happen again, if you let her apologize for one more selfish act, IT IS your fault. The first step, again, is mental. You know you don't want to be with her. Acknowledge you're better than this. The second step is harder, and what truly takes time. It's acknowledging in YOUR HEART that she's no good for your. That's what it means to be really over somebody -- not just knowing they're not good for your -- but knowing in your heart that she's no good for you, no matter how awesome she is in terms of looks, or sex, or whatever. This is the long part of the process, it could take years. That doesn't mean you can't be happy with other women until then, especially if you're holding to your mental conviction that no matter what, this girl is bad news for you. But every time you go back to her, every time you accept her drunk phone call, every time you rush in to save her from whatever drama she's going through right now, it pushes you 10 steps backward. You cannot get over her emotionally, until you insist that you will get over her mentally. In the end, you know exactly what to do. Stop talking to her and stop interacting with her. You can't move on if you let her hold on to you. As for your parents, just tell them that the two of you aren't in the same place right now and it's healthier for both of you to be separate. Boom, end of discussion. When she comes to college, you will be tested. That's why it's so important to start the process now before she gets there. You'll run into her on the quad, you'll see her in the dining hall, you'll see her hanging all over some guy drunk as shit. You need to be prepared for these things. And whatever you do, don't let her drag you back under after all the progress you've made. Best of luck, brother. You're not alone. Every comment on this page equals 10,000 guys in the world who've had to get over The One. You CAN do it. Now tell yourself you want to. College Kid, I’m sorry everything’s been such a mess. Sounds like you’ve really done a lot for this girl, and it’s been a long time. There are two steps to overcoming your feelings for The One. First, you have to acknowledge MENTALLY that she’s no good for you and you want to move on. This is usually the easy part, and it sounds like you’re 90% there. Just read your comment again, and then ask yourself, “is this the person that is worth my time? That deserves ME? Is this the person that will make me happy when I’m 80?”

No of course she isn’t. So punch yourself in the face and tell yourself you’re not going to take this shit anymore. You’re better than this. You deserve more. None of this is your fault, you’re a great guy trying to do the right thing — but unfortunately this girl and you ARE NOT compatible, as evidenced by her cheating on you three times. If you stick around, if you let it happen again, if you let her apologize for one more selfish act, IT IS your fault. The first step, again, is mental. You know you don’t want to be with her. Acknowledge you’re better than this.

The second step is harder, and what truly takes time. It’s acknowledging in YOUR HEART that she’s no good for your. That’s what it means to be really over somebody — not just knowing they’re not good for your — but knowing in your heart that she’s no good for you, no matter how awesome she is in terms of looks, or sex, or whatever. This is the long part of the process, it could take years. That doesn’t mean you can’t be happy with other women until then, especially if you’re holding to your mental conviction that no matter what, this girl is bad news for you. But every time you go back to her, every time you accept her drunk phone call, every time you rush in to save her from whatever drama she’s going through right now, it pushes you 10 steps backward. You cannot get over her emotionally, until you insist that you will get over her mentally.

In the end, you know exactly what to do. Stop talking to her and stop interacting with her. You can’t move on if you let her hold on to you. As for your parents, just tell them that the two of you aren’t in the same place right now and it’s healthier for both of you to be separate. Boom, end of discussion. When she comes to college, you will be tested. That’s why it’s so important to start the process now before she gets there. You’ll run into her on the quad, you’ll see her in the dining hall, you’ll see her hanging all over some guy drunk as shit. You need to be prepared for these things. And whatever you do, don’t let her drag you back under after all the progress you’ve made.

Best of luck, brother. You’re not alone. Every comment on this page equals 10,000 guys in the world who’ve had to get over The One. You CAN do it. Now tell yourself you want to.

]]> By: College Kid http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/love/seriously-you-need-to-get-over-that-girl-from-high-school/comment-page-1#comment-12745 College Kid Tue, 25 Oct 2011 06:56:12 +0000 http://www.primermagazine.com/?p=122#comment-12745 Yep. Met "the one" Sophmore year in high school.. love at first sight everything i pictured to be perfect in a girl look wise she had. She was a year and a half older than me.. Many family problems, but i loved trying to help her with it.. my life seemed so perfect to her, i felt as if she needed me and i needed her. I loved her maturity, it made me grow up fast.. She cheated on me 10 days in... i forgave her telling her w/e it was the begining. Next year, she gets a job. Great. But we fought and ended up breaking up... I find out she let her coworkers do shit to her while i was texting her and calling her and driving around like a maniac looking for her to just say fuck it im sorry... she told me bullshit about how she needed it to know for a fact that i am the one.. ok i forgive you... 3 year anniversary i take her to a concert. We rolled and had the times of our lives... we fight the next week... the weekend later i feel bad and go back to say i am sorry..SHe tells me college changed me and shes afraid.. Keep in mind that i do go out but am faithful and have been these 3 years.. ok w/e we talked on a friday and i said fuck it and went home... next day i go to her house at 3 only to find her gone.. i get a txt saying she went to a college with another guy.. Wow fuck you.. She told me she needs to just chill nothign will happen... fuck it w.e.... a week later she comes to my college to talk.. She says we need to be on a break until she "finds" herself.. Im thinking bullshit in my mind but she threw a lot of good arguments at me.. I broke her finaly into telling me wtf is up... she says she got basically forced into being fingered cuz she was hammered and kept saying stop.... Now i was going to go and beat this kids ass... but.. the fact that this is the 3rd time... just tore me the most... the fact that i really DO need to GROW UP and forget her stuck me like a wall when she told me what had happend.. all those thoughts shooting infront of my eyes.. I cant let her go but i have to.. She still blames me for everything saying i broke her heart... I havent texted her for a good week now... but i still just have this gaping hole in my chest.. and i know i will end up talking to her soon.. the other thing making this hard, is the fact that i got her so close to my family, thats all tehy talk about, is her. asking how she is.. and as much as i want to tell em its over.. i dont want to explain why because well, francly i dont want my rents to think im some dumb shmuck looser who cant ditch a cheating girl... I feel i have it really hard just because of the fact that i gave everything to this girl. I mean everything. Virginity, first kiss, first everything. yes i know it might be wierd.. and i knew, or thought i stuck a ten by the way she made me feel and the fact that well, she was gorgeous and every otehr guy wanted her.. I have to let go. but its tough when (dumb as fuck choice in life presented now) you both planned the college to go to together. She will be here next semester and that will just make my life just a complete shit hole.. Because i just cant even stand to think of the thought of anyone else but me making her smile the way she did. and seeing her date someone else or hook up for 3 1/2 years will def kill me inside even more. im at a complete dot. we already defriended on facebook, but i just cant delete her number... im still so unberably drawn to her, and the thought of giving up someone i trusted, cared for, loved, and made love to, for 3 years just knots my stomach till i puke. I know friends will NOT work. i just cant seem to do it. Even when i try and find another girl, i just point out the bad in her, becasue well the article explains it.. Any help. =/ i know i have A HELL OF A LONG TIME to find THE REAL ONE. I just cant seem to get over her. I feel like a fucking dumbass writing all of this. Yep. Met “the one” Sophmore year in high school.. love at first sight everything i pictured to be perfect in a girl look wise she had. She was a year and a half older than me.. Many family problems, but i loved trying to help her with it.. my life seemed so perfect to her, i felt as if she needed me and i needed her. I loved her maturity, it made me grow up fast.. She cheated on me 10 days in… i forgave her telling her w/e it was the begining. Next year, she gets a job. Great. But we fought and ended up breaking up… I find out she let her coworkers do shit to her while i was texting her and calling her and driving around like a maniac looking for her to just say fuck it im sorry… she told me bullshit about how she needed it to know for a fact that i am the one.. ok i forgive you… 3 year anniversary i take her to a concert. We rolled and had the times of our lives… we fight the next week… the weekend later i feel bad and go back to say i am sorry..SHe tells me college changed me and shes afraid.. Keep in mind that i do go out but am faithful and have been these 3 years.. ok w/e we talked on a friday and i said fuck it and went home… next day i go to her house at 3 only to find her gone.. i get a txt saying she went to a college with another guy.. Wow fuck you.. She told me she needs to just chill nothign will happen… fuck it w.e…. a week later she comes to my college to talk.. She says we need to be on a break until she “finds” herself.. Im thinking bullshit in my mind but she threw a lot of good arguments at me.. I broke her finaly into telling me wtf is up… she says she got basically forced into being fingered cuz she was hammered and kept saying stop…. Now i was going to go and beat this kids ass… but.. the fact that this is the 3rd time… just tore me the most… the fact that i really DO need to GROW UP and forget her stuck me like a wall when she told me what had happend.. all those thoughts shooting infront of my eyes.. I cant let her go but i have to.. She still blames me for everything saying i broke her heart… I havent texted her for a good week now… but i still just have this gaping hole in my chest.. and i know i will end up talking to her soon.. the other thing making this hard, is the fact that i got her so close to my family, thats all tehy talk about, is her. asking how she is.. and as much as i want to tell em its over.. i dont want to explain why because well, francly i dont want my rents to think im some dumb shmuck looser who cant ditch a cheating girl… I feel i have it really hard just because of the fact that i gave everything to this girl. I mean everything. Virginity, first kiss, first everything. yes i know it might be wierd.. and i knew, or thought i stuck a ten by the way she made me feel and the fact that well, she was gorgeous and every otehr guy wanted her.. I have to let go. but its tough when (dumb as fuck choice in life presented now) you both planned the college to go to together. She will be here next semester and that will just make my life just a complete shit hole.. Because i just cant even stand to think of the thought of anyone else but me making her smile the way she did. and seeing her date someone else or hook up for 3 1/2 years will def kill me inside even more. im at a complete dot. we already defriended on facebook, but i just cant delete her number… im still so unberably drawn to her, and the thought of giving up someone i trusted, cared for, loved, and made love to, for 3 years just knots my stomach till i puke. I know friends will NOT work. i just cant seem to do it. Even when i try and find another girl, i just point out the bad in her, becasue well the article explains it.. Any help. =/ i know i have A HELL OF A LONG TIME to find THE REAL ONE. I just cant seem to get over her. I feel like a fucking dumbass writing all of this.

]]> By: Jon http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/love/seriously-you-need-to-get-over-that-girl-from-high-school/comment-page-1#comment-11875 Jon Mon, 29 Aug 2011 16:35:47 +0000 http://www.primermagazine.com/?p=122#comment-11875 She was the one who made me forget my first teenage crush. By then i's just 13. I felt like she was world to me. I knew where I actually was when she started avoiding me. I had nearly gone into depression. Thanx to the article to show me a light of hope to my new life.MY LIFE. She was the one who made me forget my first teenage crush. By then i’s just 13. I felt like she was world to me. I knew where I actually was when she started avoiding me. I had nearly gone into depression. Thanx to the article to show me a light of hope to my new life.MY LIFE.

]]> By: Josh http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/love/seriously-you-need-to-get-over-that-girl-from-high-school/comment-page-1#comment-10658 Josh Wed, 08 Jun 2011 19:07:22 +0000 http://www.primermagazine.com/?p=122#comment-10658 Get out of my head. Get out of my head.

]]> By: blacksby http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/love/seriously-you-need-to-get-over-that-girl-from-high-school/comment-page-1#comment-9916 blacksby Tue, 08 Mar 2011 20:55:54 +0000 http://www.primermagazine.com/?p=122#comment-9916 nice job on this..much appreciated. nice job on this..much appreciated.

]]> By: Cherudim http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/love/seriously-you-need-to-get-over-that-girl-from-high-school/comment-page-1#comment-9828 Cherudim Sun, 27 Feb 2011 00:42:58 +0000 http://www.primermagazine.com/?p=122#comment-9828 There was this girl I meet on vacation and I fall hard for her. It was a 15 days vacation, but I get to know her in 13 days. She is amazing. If any of you guys meet her I’m sure you will like her too. I really like her personality. I feel like I can talk to her about anything. I feel comfortable around her and I’m really happy around her. We got along fine; even I told her how I feel about on the last day. The thing is she live really far, in fact we are almost 2 different world a part. The first month was o.k, we talked and we both have fun. After that went I talk to her sometime she doesn’t reply back. At first I though she is really busy with school, and I leave her alone. Then some night I leave her small message, such as have a good night and hope to talk to you soon. In December, everything fall apart. She is someone I never met before and to me, I feel she mean a lot to me. True I don’t know her very well, but I would like to get to know about her more. I think about her all the time, everyday, even she ask me to forget about her. It’s more harder then it’s look. You think I’m stupid??? That I keep liking someone that doesn’t like you back? I know I’m stubborn and I know I say some wrong things at the wrong time. I wish I can take everything back. I don’t regret know her I’m really grateful just to know her. There was this girl I meet on vacation and I fall hard for her. It was a 15 days vacation, but I get to know her in 13 days. She is amazing. If any of you guys meet her I’m sure you will like her too. I really like her personality. I feel like I can talk to her about anything. I feel comfortable around her and I’m really happy around her. We got along fine; even I told her how I feel about on the last day. The thing is she live really far, in fact we are almost 2 different world a part. The first month was o.k, we talked and we both have fun. After that went I talk to her sometime she doesn’t reply back. At first I though she is really busy with school, and I leave her alone. Then some night I leave her small message, such as have a good night and hope to talk to you soon. In December, everything fall apart. She is someone I never met before and to me, I feel she mean a lot to me. True I don’t know her very well, but I would like to get to know about her more. I think about her all the time, everyday, even she ask me to forget about her. It’s more harder then it’s look. You think I’m stupid??? That I keep liking someone that doesn’t like you back? I know I’m stubborn and I know I say some wrong things at the wrong time. I wish I can take everything back. I don’t regret know her I’m really grateful just to know her.

]]> By: scott http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/love/seriously-you-need-to-get-over-that-girl-from-high-school/comment-page-1#comment-9800 scott Tue, 22 Feb 2011 08:18:21 +0000 http://www.primermagazine.com/?p=122#comment-9800 This article probably just saved my life. This article probably just saved my life.

]]> By: Andrew http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/love/seriously-you-need-to-get-over-that-girl-from-high-school/comment-page-1#comment-9385 Andrew Thu, 23 Dec 2010 16:43:11 +0000 http://www.primermagazine.com/?p=122#comment-9385 Hi Baka, I'm glad you found it helpful. Don't worry, things will only get easier. Any specifics in what you'd like to see more of? Hi Baka, I’m glad you found it helpful. Don’t worry, things will only get easier. Any specifics in what you’d like to see more of?

]]> By: Baka http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/love/seriously-you-need-to-get-over-that-girl-from-high-school/comment-page-1#comment-9384 Baka Thu, 23 Dec 2010 16:37:00 +0000 http://www.primermagazine.com/?p=122#comment-9384 Amazing. I just lost "The One". We dated for just shy of 3 months and then out of the blue "I dont have feeling for you anymore" and it was over. It has only been a few weeks and we still talk here and there but it kills me. This really helped me figure shit out and I am going to read this when i get down. Thanks for the great article. More on this topic would be awesome! Amazing. I just lost “The One”. We dated for just shy of 3 months and then out of the blue “I dont have feeling for you anymore” and it was over. It has only been a few weeks and we still talk here and there but it kills me. This really helped me figure shit out and I am going to read this when i get down. Thanks for the great article. More on this topic would be awesome!

]]> By: Andrew http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/love/seriously-you-need-to-get-over-that-girl-from-high-school/comment-page-1#comment-8900 Andrew Wed, 20 Oct 2010 15:44:21 +0000 http://www.primermagazine.com/?p=122#comment-8900 Hey Lost, I feel your pain. Congrats on having enough respect for yourself to end it. You're in a difficult situation because, like you said, with the kids in the picture you're going to have to continue talking with her. i wouldn't worry too much -- trust yourself, you're stronger than you think you are. Keep at it, and you'll find the right woman. Hey Lost, I feel your pain. Congrats on having enough respect for yourself to end it. You’re in a difficult situation because, like you said, with the kids in the picture you’re going to have to continue talking with her. i wouldn’t worry too much — trust yourself, you’re stronger than you think you are. Keep at it, and you’ll find the right woman.

]]> By: Lost http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/love/seriously-you-need-to-get-over-that-girl-from-high-school/comment-page-1#comment-8872 Lost Sun, 17 Oct 2010 02:03:11 +0000 http://www.primermagazine.com/?p=122#comment-8872 My first "One" was really just that, straight out of high school - First everything pretty much. She cheated on me once while I was away at boot camp, when we were engaged. I forgave her, we moved on, got married and had a kid together. I told her if it ever happened again she was not getting a second chance. Well it happened again, I booted her out, she has the kids - I have been trying to move on for almost a year now but dont know how. I have slipped a couple times, having sex with her once or twice, have stopped that now. But I still have to talk to her, and having troubles moving on. I am lost! -- I have been with girls but cant seem to give myself to them, its like I dont have feelings for anything anymore..... suggestion for an ex w/ kids? My first “One” was really just that, straight out of high school – First everything pretty much. She cheated on me once while I was away at boot camp, when we were engaged. I forgave her, we moved on, got married and had a kid together. I told her if it ever happened again she was not getting a second chance. Well it happened again, I booted her out, she has the kids – I have been trying to move on for almost a year now but dont know how. I have slipped a couple times, having sex with her once or twice, have stopped that now. But I still have to talk to her, and having troubles moving on.

I am lost! — I have been with girls but cant seem to give myself to them, its like I dont have feelings for anything anymore….. suggestion for an ex w/ kids?

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